Absolution
by stardust2002
Summary: If the homecoming had gone a little differently for Kara and Lee. Set after 'The Farm'. Now complete at last!
1. Chapter 1

Absolution

Post 'The Farm' story. If the homecoming had gone a little differently for Kara and Lee.

Kara was pissed. She was pissed that Lee didn't even seem to care that she was back. Of course it didn't help that the whole fracking fleet had gone to hell in a handbasket in the ten days she'd been gone. Lee had mutineed. Lee! Of all people. She'd never expected him to defy his father the way he had, despite their obvious difficulties getting along.

And now? Now Lee was treating her like a cadet. he hadn't once said he was glad she was back, in fact he hadn't spoken to her personally at all in the three days she'd been back. And he hadn't called her Kara.

That was the dead giveaway. When he addressed her as Starbuck instead of Kara, she knew he was mad. Fine, he wanted to be mad? She could be mad too.

"Last on the agenda, Starbuck - you'll take the nuggets out for a training run. Drill them on their landing sequences. Chief is getting mighty pissed at having to stick pieces back on those Vipers after they've been through with them."

"Yes SIR," she said, emphasizing the 'sir' with heavy sarcasm.

"What did you say Lieutenant?" he asked in a dark voice as she followed the rest of the pilots out of the briefing room.

"I said, 'yes sir'," she repeated slowly, as if talking to a two year old.

"You'll scrub the hangar bay decks when you're through with the nuggets."

She didn't trust herself to speak this time, and used every ounce of restraint not to hit him as she walked through the door he held open. She nodded, meeting his eyes briefly and hurried off to the flight deck, tears burning in her eyes.

Lee sat down heavily at his desk, staring at the pile of reports he needed to check through. He'd never anticipated the CAG's job would involve so much paperwork! Before Galactica, he'd been a pilot - just fly the ships and someone else took care of the rest. He smirked as he realized he'd had Kara's job - lead pilot and flight trainer. They were so similar sometimes it was scary. And others? Well, that was even scarier.

Kara. He let his thoughts drift to her. He'd never known anyone more frustrating in his life - including his father. He couldn't even begin to define all the emotions he felt when he thought of her. Right now the uppermost of these was anger. She'd defied authority, again, taken the cylon raider and disappeared. After talking to the president, Lee felt even worse. Her disappearance had made more sense, but in Lee's opinion, it had been a one-way mission, even for Starbuck. She was as tough as they come, and seemed to have nine lives, but even she couldn't handle fighting the cylons hand-to-hand. And who knew how many she'd encounter before completing her mission?

She had survived though, against the odds, in part thanks to Helo, the Sharon copy and the resistance cell led by Anders. Lee had read the report and sent a thankful prayer to the Gods that she'd returned safely.

Nonetheless, he was pissed at her for disappearing like that. Partly because it was a terrible influence on the rest of the pilots, but mostly because he cared more for her than he should and he'd been worried sick. As annoying and difficult as Kara was, she was a part of him, and without her he had difficulty functioning.

And then there was that OTHER thing. The thing he'd heard Helo telling the other guys about in the mess hall the night before. If he hadn't been angry at her before, he certainly would be now. She flirted with him shamelessly, and though he never took her seriously, he always felt there was an undercurrent of truth in her apparent feelings for him. But now, to find out she'd slept with ANOTHER guy ... one she'd only know a few days, and who could be a cylon for all she knew? He was seething.

She was exhausted. The nuggets had been difficult today. Didn't seem to be able to focus. Not one of them made a proper landing, even after four hours practice. She had a fierce headache already, and after hearing the chief scream at her for the destruction they'd reigned on three of the Vipers, which were now completely disabled by the way, she felt as though her head would explode.

She'd passed the Chief's comments on to them and sent them back to the briefing room to study their manuals more closely. She headed for the nearest supply closet to grab a mop. Lee would have her head if she didn't get the decks scrubbed down before supper. The way he'd been acting lately, she'd be lucky if she wasn't sent to the brig for missing a spot.

After reading the final report, Lee headed to the hangar bay to find out how the training went. He knew it was going to be rough - this new batch of nuggets weren't capable by any stretch of the imagination. But they were the best of what was left; soon there would b no new pilots to train if the cylons came after them again. They seemed to have been given a bit of a breather here - time to collect themselves and prepare for the next battle.

He was still thinking about Kara in the back of his mind though, and seeing her scrubbing brought all those feelings of anger back to the forefront. Not to mention the three nearly-destroyed Vipers. They couldn't afford to lose ANY ships now. He knew it wasn't her fault, but still, Lee saw red.

"Starbuck," he barked out. She stiffened but didn't turn to face him. She could hear his boots on the flight deck as he strode angrily towards her. "What the hell happened out there?"

She finally turned once he was only a few feet away. "Sorry sir," she said.

"You destroyed three Vipers! Three! We can't afford to lose any ships." He moved closer to her and lowered his voice. "The next time there's so much as a scratch during your watch, your flight status will be revoked and you'll join Tyrol's crew doing repairs. Do I make myself clear?"

"That's not fair and you know it," she said angrily, head held high. "I'm doing the best I can with a group of kids that have no aptitude for flying." Her hands gripped the mop tightly, knuckles turning white.

"A superior officer takes responsibility for those under his or her command."

"How often have you spent time in hack because of my screw-up?" she asked belligerently.

He laughed harshly. "I'd be living there if that were the case."

"Oh right, and you're perfect. That's why we call you Apollo - you're so god-like." Sarcasm dripped from her voice.

"At least I don't sleep around with every woman I see," he said tightly, eyes narrowing.

At this personal attack, Kara lost all control. She dropped the broom and punched him in the face. Hard. Lee recoiled for barely a second before hitting her back, even harder. As his fist connected with her cheek, he had a sudden sense of deja vu and remembered the last time they'd had a fist fight. It too had been over another man.

This time however, he felt the bones give way under his hand, and heard the sickening crack as they snapped. His heart seemed to stop suddenly as he realized he'd gone too far.

TBC

Her hand flew to her jaw as she fell backwards, striking her head hard against the flight deck. Several people's heads turned to see what was going on. Up till then, they hadn't really seemed to care. Apollo and Starbuck arguing was a regular occurence and barely even noticeable anymore.

Kara felt herself slipping into unconscious, and she welcomed it. At least the pain of what Lee had done to her face and her pride would subside for a time.

A second later, he was at her side, gathering her into his arms. His heart stung painfully as he saw the swelling and purplish bruises quickly rising to her cheek.

"Get a medic!" he yelled at the stunned observers, and when there was a pause before action he added, "Now!" at the top of his lungs. They arrived a scant few minutes later and he reluctantly surrendered her to them, kneeling as if carved in stone as he watched them take her away.

"I'm so sorry Kara," he whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

"Are you okay sir?" one of the mechanics asked, noticing the bruise on his cheek. Lee turned to face him, a vacant expression on his face. He didn't even recognize the man. One of Tyrol's he assumed, but even after nearly a year on Galactica, there were still people he didn't know. He nodded and stood up, heading for the guard stationed at the closest munitions locker.

"I need to get a message to the Commander. Ask him to meet me in sickbay as soon as he's able." Lee's voice shook and the guard noticed his wan pallor.

"Are you alright sir?" was his first response.

"Fine," Lee shook it off brusquely. "I need that message sent now." And he was already turning as the guard saluted him.

"Yes sir," he replied, military discipline kicking back in.

Lee raced to the infirmary as fast as he could but the Doctor already had her sequestered as he examined her.

"I need to see her," he said in a panicky voice, but the doctor shoved him aside roughly. Privilege of rank - only a doctor could outrank anyone and give orders.

"Not now," he barked out.

"Yes now!" Lee yelled, pushing forward.

"Guards!" The doctor called out, and magically two armed guards appeared out of nowhere. "Keep this man out of my sickbay." They nodded assent, each gripping one of Lee's strong arms.

"I'll let you know as soon as you can come back," he said in a gentler voice. He did have some compassion after all, and he knew, as did most of the rest of the ship, that Lee cared for her a great deal. More than he'd ever admit anyway.

Lee put up no fight, knowing he was beaten before he'd even begun . He was also beginning to come down from the adrenaline rush and his mind was starting to think clearly. He was going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble when his father found out what he'd done. Way to go Lee, he told himself, you've managed to frack things up between you and Kara and you and your dad all in the space of a few seconds.

Lee stood there by her side quietly, holding her hand in both of his. She looked so small and fragile - two things he'd never associated with her before, but then again, this was the first time she'd been here because of him. Usually they both ended up with a few bruises, but never had he broken bones.

For indeed, she had a fractured cheekbone thanks to him. The doctor hadn't asked how it had happened ... yet. For now he'd been too busy treating her. But the inquiry would come, just as soon as his father arrived.

Speaking, or rather thinking of the ... there he was, concern evident in every crease of his face.

"Starbuck," he said in a low voice, coming forward to see her more closely. "Kara, oh Kara, why you? Why is it always you?"

Lee stole a glance at his father's face. He was shocked at what he read there. Love, as plain as could be. He knew his father cared for her, in fact at one time he could have sworn that his father loved Kara (as a daughter of course) more than he loved his own son. Now he could see that the first part was definitely right. Commander Adama definitely loved Kara Thrace. The pain only a parent can have for his suffering child was apparent along with the love on his face.

It only made Lee feel worse. He was glad that the old man loved her - she'd had precious little family growing up and she deserved a little parental love. But he would go crazy when he found out Lee had done this to her.

Adama leaned forward, touched her shoulder gently and kissed her forehead. Lee could swear he saw a tear fall from his father's eye, but a moment later when he stood up straight, there was no sign of tears. His body stiffened when he caught sight of Lee's bruise.

"Outside," he said in a gravelly voice, nodding towards the infirmary door.

As soon as they were alone in the corridor and the infirmary door closed, Adam grabbed his son's uniform lapels and dragged him close till their faces were barely a few inches apart.

"How could you do this to her?" The powerful passion under the words was more hurtful to Lee than the words themselves. He was already berating himself for what he'd done. His mouth opened and closed a few times as he searched for words. Finally, his mouth stayed closed and his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. There was no excuse for what he had done.

Adama let his son go. He knew, without having to ask, what had happened between them. The bruise on Lee's face only confirmed it. He'd seen the tension mounting between them since Lee'd come aboard Galactica, but it had been nothing compared with the tension since she'd returned from Caprica.

"You fractured her jaw Lee," Adam began.

"I know, I know," Lee said miserably. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt her." The tears came hard and fast. "I love her," he mumbled through his sobs, barely audibly. His father pulled him into his arms suddenly and gave him a large bear hug. A few tears escaped his eyes as well.

"I know you do son, I know you do." And they stood there for a long time, each lost in their own sorrow - Lee's for Kara and Adama's for his son.

"She'll be okay in time," he said, as Lee broke out of his arms and wiped his tears away. Lee nodded. "Passions have always run deep between you two. Perhaps you can find a better way to deal with them than beating on each other in the future."

Lee stared at him, shocked. "Are you suggesting ...?"

"Not suggesting. Giving you some advice," he said ambiguously.

"Do you think she'll forgive me?"

"Stranger things have happened around here." Adama patted his son on the shoulder. "Now, there's the subject of consequences. I can't have two of my officers assaulting each other. And especially having them put out of commission. Starbuck will spend three days in the brig once she's released from sickbay, and you'll serve a week. I like Tigh's idea - you can serve your time during your off-duty hours." Lee looked surprised. "I need you Lee. This ship can't function without it's CAG and lead pilot. Maybe you and Kara can work out your differences while sharing adjacent cells."

Lee sighed and shook his head, unconvinced. He knew it would take a miracle for her to forgive him this time. He'd thought and acted with his heart instead of his brain, again, and behaved like a jealous teenager. Problem was, he was having more and more difficulty keeping his emotions in check when it came to her.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

3.

Kara woke with a pounding headache. Her cheek burned like it was on fire and for a few moments she couldn't remember what had happened. Then it hit her. And the pain was excruciating. Her heart felt as though it had shattered into a million pieces. Again. It had felt much the same way when she'd lost Zak three years earlier, but time and space, and Lee, had put it back together slowly. Until recently, she'd felt almost whole again. Life aboard Galactica had been pretty good on the whole, even after the destruction of humanity. They'd been fighting for their lives ever since, but fighting was something she was used to. No stranger to her. It was how she survived. She and Lee too had fought plenty in the year he'd been here, but they'd always managed to pick up the pieces and get back to that comfortable place they shared.

It had almost been ruined by her little indiscretion with Baltar, which had, coincidentally, ended up in similar circumstances to these, but slightly less serious. Funny how she and Lee could argue themselves blue in the face and it never turned violent ... until there was another man involved. Did that mean ... he was jealous? He had feelings for her?

She didn't like where this train of thought was taking her, so she deliberately moved her mouth, causing a white-hot bolt of pain to shoot through her head. Well, that got her attention, and the doctor's too, as she moaned in pain.

"Awake?" he said curtly, wandering over to her bed. He was never one for flowery conversation.

"Mm," was all she could manage.

"Cheekbone's fractured. Gonna hurt for a while. Don't talk." And with that he walked away. Kara decided his bedside manner sucked and wished he wasn't the only doctor left in the new colony. He's not, her inner voice piped up, there's Baltar. She rolled her eyes. No, that would definitely be worse, she thought. He'd avoided her like the Sagitarrian flu ever since their... their ... whatever you could call it ... forgettable frack perhaps? ... whatever, but it suited her just fine. She found him quite revolting and blushed just thinking about how much she must have had to drink in order to lose her sense of self-worth that completely. Or maybe you were just trying anything to forget about Lee, her inner voice chimed in again. Shut up, she told it, and growled unintelligibly. It was the only way to get the doctor's attention.

"Something wrong Starbuck?" he stopped and turned to face her.

"Pain," she mumbled out almost incoherently as the said word became acute fact again. She winced, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Painkiller," he said, grabbing a needle from a nearby cupboard.

"Her eyes opened, then widened at the sight of the needle headed for her arm. After what happened on Caprica, she was rather skittish of doctors shoving needles into her.

"Sorry, can't do pills." Thanks. He was some comfort there as he jabbed it into her arm. "I'll keep you overnight since you need IV still, but orders are to transfer you to the brig as soon as you're able."

She smirked, or tried to, but the pain was intense.

"So, how bad does the other guy look?" he joked, as he put a small bandage on the needle hole. Kara just shook her head helplessly. Even if she could talk, she really didn't want to talk about it. Seeing as how he was the doc and knew she couldn't talk anyway, she figured it must have been rhetorical. "Get some sleep. Back later."

Don't waste words now, she thought cynically, watching him walk away and light a cigarette. Gods, she'd kill for a cigar about now.

It was going to be a long night.

It was a long night. Already. And it had barely begun. Lee had forgotten just how boring life was in hack. Nothing to do. Literally, nothing. And because he couldn't keep himself busy, his thoughts were firmly stuck on Kara.

He flushed in shame every time he thought about what had happened that afternoon. Good thing the guard wasn't paying attention; he'd probably assume Lee was lost in some secret sexual fantasy! He chuckled at the thought. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He did love Kara, he'd finally admitted it to himself and to his father in that moment of weakness. But all he fantasized about now was her forgiving him and allowing him to hold her in his arms. All he really wanted at this point was to regain her trust and friendship.

Kara was ... well she was ... he could hardly even define what she was to him. His closest friend on Galactica? Definitely. Someone he loved bantering with? Absolutely. The only person he truly trusted to watch his back out there when there was trouble? No question.

She was much more to him than that though. If he was Apollo, god of the sun, she was Starbuck, the one who bucked all the rules and regulations to do things her way. He was light, she was the darkness. He was serious, she was playful. He played by the book, she felt rules were only there to be broken. She was his other half - that which made him complete. Without her in his life, he was lost.

After Zak's death, they'd parted in anger, and he thought he'd never see her again. The next two years had been busy - he'd never allowed himself free time because then he was so much more aware of the aching emptiness within him. He'd thought it was because of losing his brother, and it had been in part, but mainly because he'd lost Kara.

The overwhelming joy he'd felt upon seeing her (in this very cell no less!) for the first time since the funeral, made him aware of just how much he'd missed her. It had taken time though, to find their way back to the easy, comfortable friendship they'd had. Somewhere along the line though, Lee had fallen in love with her as well.

He dropped down on the bunk and closed his eyes, resigned to the fact that sleep wouldn't come to him that night. Instead it would be filled with thoughts of her.

Saul Tigh recognized the look in his friend's eye and in the carriage of his body as he walked.

"Lee's in trouble again," he guessed.

Adama just raised his eyebrows. He removed his jacket and splashed water over his face. It had been a long day, and dealing with Lee and Kara had only made it longer.

"What's he do now?" Tigh asked, in an 'I told you so' voice.

"Put Starbuck in the infirmary."

"What?" Tigh couldn't keep the smile from his face. Starbuck had it coming to her, he was sure of it. She had a way of pushing and pushing ... and Lee had finally pushed back.

"Seems they had a bit of a fist fight. Her jaw's fractured."

"Holy hell," Tigh said, shaking his head, his hand rubbing over the stubble of beard that hadn't been shaved in days. Not that she didn't deserve it, but he'd never expected Lee to be the one to hurt her. Hell, he'd nearly strangled Tigh himself and risked the safety of the entire fleet and his own court-martial to find her when she'd gone missing. He'd always figured Lee was secretly in love with her, and that show of emotion had confirmed it as far as he was concerned.

"So how long do you think it'll be before the two of them ..." he began, but wasn't quite sure how to put it diplomatically.

Adama towelled his face dry and turned to face his friend. "I don't know," he said honestly. "They love each other, there's question about that, and honestly I'm not really even sure how close they were years ago when she was ... with Zak ... but there's too much baggage. Too many feelings clouding the issue. They may love each other and may be able to admit it to themselves, but I doubt where or not they'll ever tell each other."

"Well, something has to be done about it Bill. They break regulations right, left and centre because of each other. That can't be allowed to continue."

"I know, but what would you have me do? Dishonourable discharge from duty?" Adama could see from the look on Tigh's face that he thought it was a good option - at least for Starbuck. "We can't afford to lose anyone, especially not the two best pilots we have. When they're teamed up out there they're practically unstoppable."

Tigh nodded. Much as he hated to admit it, Adama was right. "So what do we do? Let it go?" he asked.

"No, I'm dealing with it. Don't worry. I think in the long run I'm going to have to find a way to get them together."

Tigh stared at him. "I thought you flatly refused to have relationships aboard your ship."

"The rules have changed out here Saul. I don't think I have much choice but to change with them."


	3. Chapter 3

Absolution - chapter 4

3.

Lee awoke to the sound of his cell being opened.

"Apollo, sir, it's time for your duty shift," the guard said, sounding rather apologetic. He'd watched Lee toss and turn and knew he hadn't had much sleep.

Lee groaned and rubbed his hand over his sleep-weary face. He had finally fallen asleep at some ungodly hour, despite the churning of his mind, but it felt like it had only been minutes ago. He swung his feet to the floor and sat up, blinking.

"I don't suppose I have time for a quick trip to the washroom do I?" he asked as he got to his feet and followed the guard out of the cell.

"Yes sir. The Commander gave me orders to wake you half and hour before your shift."

Lee sent a thankful prayer the old man's way, for this small mercy and for not killing him outright for what he'd done to Kara. "Thank you for following orders so well. You have no idea how much I appreciate it." Lee smiled as he left the guard and headed into the washroom. A shower would hopefully wake him up enough to get through the day. That and some coffee. Right now he felt like hell.

ZZZZZZZZ

Kara woke to a throbbing pain in her cheek. Damn! She'd been sleeping on the wrong side! How could that have happened? Oh well, no matter. She rolled over onto her back and let out an involuntary cry of main as her cheek moved against the pillow.

"Morning sunshine," the doctor said cheerfully. Well, cheerfully for him. For anyone else it could only be classified as barely more than a grunt. "Need some more painkillers?"

Kara nodded, rolling her eyes at the same time. Weren't doctors required to have at least SOME sort of bedside manner?

"Let's try sitting you up for this," and he raised the bed, unbalancing Kara and causing her to flail her arms madly. "Not too coordinated today eh?" And he grabbed her arm and jabbed a needle in it.

Kara growled. When she was better, she had every intention of sticking a needle up his ... oh frak. Look who just walked in. Gaius Baltar, smiling gaily.

"Good morning Kara. Doctor," he added as an afterthought, never taking his eyes off her. "I heard you were ... indisposed. You look quite well though. Are you feeling better now? What happened exactly? I mean, I heard rumours, but ... "

Kara rolled her eyes again. It was her only form of exercise at this point so why not practice? She had no desire to talk to this ... arrogant prick today. She lifted her non-needle pricked arm and motioned towards the door.

"Do you need something? Is there something I can get for you?" What a thick skull. One look at the doctor's face and she could see he was fed up with Baltar too. She waved harder, making as grouchy a face as she could without hurting her cheek.

"I'm no expert at sign language, but I think she wants you to go," he said, a hint of a smile evident on his face.

"Oh yes, of course," Baltar said, with a nervous little laugh, his arms folding across his chest. "Yes, I must get back to work you know," he said, obviously trying to get out with his pride intact but not succeeding. He turned on the charming smile, but the look on their faces told him they weren't being charmed in the slightest. "Yes, I'll hurry now, I know, lots to do," he said, as if talking to someone else who'd just finished accusing him of wasting time. He gave them both a last smile and hurried out the door.

"Frakking lunatic," the doctor mumbled, lighting a cigarette. "Don't know how he ever became a doctor." Kara nearly laughed out loud. At least they agreed on one thing.

ZZZZZZZZ

"Okay, you all have your assignments, let's go people." Lee closed his roster and sighed. Morning meetings were always tough. Today was no exception.

"Sir?" a nervous voice interrupted the reverie he'd drifted off into.

"Yes," he said crisply, getting back to the present.

"Who's flying CAP with me and Hotdog?" Kat had a point. Neither of them were advanced enough to go without an escort. He'd forgotten Starbuck was off duty. She usually went with the trainees while he did paperwork and whatever other tasks his two bosses managed to find for him.

"I'll come with you," he said, knowing there was no other way. There just wasn't anyone else. It meant he'd have to take his paperwork to his cell tonight. Oh joy. Well, at least it gave him something else to focus on besides Kara. He pushed the thoughts of her away. He didn't have time for them now.

ZZZZZZZZ

As Kara was escorted to her cell a few hours later, she wondered which one she'd get. Her usual? She nearly laughed. How said was that? Having a USUAL cell in the brig. But then again, it was like a second home to her by now. As they entered the brig, she saw a few of Lee's things in her cell. No, she wasn't going to have to share with him was she? But the guard opened the cell beside and shut the door behind her.

Lee. She'd almost been able to stop thinking about him, what with the lunacy of the two doctors, but now she was alone, and soon going to have a neighbour she didn't want. She sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around her legs protectively.

ZZZZZZZZ

After CAP, Lee did the mandatory ship inspection, as Tyrol's crew didn't seem to be anywhere around. That was odd. At least one of them was always available after any flight to ensure repairs were done at once. You never knew when you might suddenly be needing those ships again.

Well, Lee made a list of the things that needed checking and headed out of the hangar deck to find someone to give it to.

"Cadet," he said, as Racetrack walked up beside him.

"Sir," she answered, proper as always.

"Do you have any idea where the Chief is?"

"I haven't seen him sir, but think Cally is down in the maintenance bay looking for some parts to fix the damanged Raptor." There was silence as they continued walking down Galactica's unusually empty corridors.

"Sir, can I ask you something?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course," he answered, turning his head to face her.

"I heard, I mean, we all heard about Starbuck and ... is it true ... were you ... ?" She stuttered through but in the end just couldn't manage to say it.

Lee sighed heavily. So, the rumours were starting already. It shouldn't really surprise him, not in a small environment like this. Time to set the record straight.

"Yes, we had a fight and ... it got a bit out of hand. We hit each other and ... well ... I guess I hit a bit too hard." Lee felt his cheeks burning.

"What were you fighting about? Oh!" She suddenly clapped a hand over her mouth. She shouldn't be asking her superior officer a personal question like that! "I'm sorry sir."

"It's okay. But I'd prefer not to discuss it. It's personal - just between me and Starbuck."

"Yes sir."

ZZZZZZZZ

Tigh couldn't help himself. He had to go see Starbuck. In the brig again, as usual. He wondered as he headed down if she would say something insubordinate or insulting like she usually did, because then he could extend her time in hack. He'd read Adama's report and felt that three days wasn't nearly enough. Adama had a soft spot for her; actually it appeared all the Adama men did, given her relationship with each of them. The one with Lee seemed to be the most volatile though. The old man treated her like a daughter and never seemed to be as hard on her as she deserved.

Whoa, her face was certainly a mess, was his first impression upon seeing her. It was swollen and purple and had to hurt like hell.

"So, it seems the other guy won, huh?" he said, trying to bait her into responding angrily. But Starbuck said nothing. She sat crouched on the bed as she had for the past few hours and stared at a spot on the wall behind Tigh.

"Got what you deserve finally," he tried again. But still no response. Except for the slight rise and fall of her chest and the occasional blink, she could have been made of stone.

"You'd better answer when superior office talks to you," he said threateningly. But still nothing. It infuriated him. "Don't you ignore me Starbuck, or you're going to be in more trouble than you can imagine."

Starbuck said nothing but continued to stare at an apparently fascinating spot on the wall.

"You haven't heard the last from me," he said in a low voice, waving a finger at her, then stalking out of the brig.

Unfortunately not, was Kara's only thought at that point.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Absolution - chapter 5.

"I tell you Bill, that girl needs to be taught obedience. Ignoring her superior officer indeed!"

"It's not like she's ever listened to you before."

The two men were sitting in Adama's office going over staff reports. Tigh was still fuming over Starbuck's behaviour.

"Why aren't you harder on her? Maybe she'd toe the line if you'd give her some strict discipline to follow."

Adama knew that many people didn't agree with his kid-glove treatment of Starbuck. But Tigh was the only one who could voice that opinion and get away with it.

"You have to understand her. The harder you push, the more she pushes back. She needs freedom - within reason of course. Obviously I can't allow her to run the ship ..."

"But she very nearly does anyway. She's a fine example for the rest of the crew of how to thumb your nose at your superiors and get away with it. She carries a lot of clout here, the gods only know why, but people respect her and listen to her."

"She's a natural born leader, Saul. And leaders don't take orders well. I should know." He smiled. "Her behaviour used to cause me a lot of grief but I've since accepted who she is and how she's going to behave.

We have an unspoken agreement of exactly where the boundaries are, and most of the time she operates within them. When she doesn't ... well. she ends up in the brig."

"Doesn't it ever bother you that she doesn't listen to you?"

"She does, but she listens to her heart first."

"Is that how you justify her desertion?"

Adama sighed. "I don't have any answers for you. I'm still having trouble with that one too. What I do know is that she brings something special to this crew - something it desperately needs right now. Hope. And courage. And the belief that you can do anything if you try. To me, those qualities are worth far more than any trouble she may cause."

Tigh nodded silently. He'd never seen it from quite that perspective before.

ZZZZZZZZ

The guard unlocked Lee's cell and led him in .

As soon as Lee had seen Kara, he'd felt a surge of guilt run deeply through him. She looked awful. Awful. Worse than she'd ever looked before, and that was saying something. He'd seen her at her worst before ... but it had never been like this. She still sat on the bed, arms protectively crossed around her legs, staring at the wall. She hadn't budged, even for the loud clang of the door.

"Honestly Apollo, I think she's gone right 'round the bend. I mean, she hasn't moved all day. No word of a lie - I been here the whole time. Maybe this is it - the last straw that drove her crazy."

Lee grabbed the lapels of the guard's uniform and pulled him close. "Listen to me," he said in a low, dangerous voice, "you are in no position to judge anyone's sanity 'sir'," heavily emphasized there, "and didn't anyone ever teach you it's rude to talk about someone in the third person to their face?" The guard had a totally confused expression on his face. "Starbuck," he said, "is right here with us, not five feet away, and just because she appears to be off in another world is no reason to assume she isn't hearing every word we say. So be respectful!" Lee nearly shouted this last bit. "Or you'll be the next person in this cell when I vacate it!"

"Yes sir," the guard said, looking frightened. He'd never seen this side of Apollo before, and he had to admit it was a little scary.

Lee sat down heavily, a little ashamed at his angry outburst. Why was it he could never control his emotions around Kara? That carefully crafted wall he'd built to protect himself after he'd lost his family - all the people that had mattered to him - seemed to turn to sponge whenever he was with her. The barrage of emotions he kept carefully hidden gravitated to Kara like moths to a flame.

"Starbuck," he whispered softly.

No answer.

"Kara, it's me, Lee."

Still no answer. Not even a twitch. It was as though she were frozen in place.

"Okay, I get that you don't want to talk to me, but I need to talk to you."

The pleading in his voice reached her and touched something inside, but still she wasn't willing to respond.

"Can we have a few minutes here?" Lee turned to the guard.

He looked around the room. "I'm not really supposed to leave you alone."

"Where are we going to go? We're both locked up. Please, just let us have a few minutes alone to talk, okay?"

The pleading in Lee's voice must have gotten through to him at least, because he nodded and stepped out, shutting the door behind him. However, his head was still visible through the glass and Lee nodded approvingly.

"Kara, I want to apologize to you. I'm so, so sorry for hurting you. I ... I ... didn't mean to hit you, gods, the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me someday." I'll never forgive myself though, he thought. Never. "I've said and done awful things to you - you never deserved any of them." His voice broke - the tears were so close to falling. "I'm sorry, so sorry," he whispered, and then fell silent. He buried his face in his hands and let the tears fall silently.

Still, Kara sat, as stone, unmoving, unspeaking. But her heart had heard every word Lee had said and stored it all away for future processing. Right now she was too broken - she needed time to heal, physically and emotionally. Dealing with Lee always took an emotional toll on her, and right now her reserve was well below zero.

So she sat. And stared. And Lee cried.

ZZZZZZZZ

The noise level in the officer's mess was rising fast.

"I heard she's been struck deaf and dumb."

"Really? I heard she tore a strip off Apollo for beating on her."

"It's not like she doesn't ask for it you know - she's always picking fights."

"Yeah, but no one'll touch her but Apollo. I mean come on, would you hit a woman?"

"What do you mean - women can't defend themselves?" A female voice piped up.

"Well, obviously not well enough. Starbuck's the toughest woman on the ship and still she gets the short end of the stick in a fist fight."

"Only with Apollo though. Which of YOU guys could fight him and come out the winner?" the female voice asked. Dead silence. Either no one felt up to the challenge, or no one was willing to admit Apollo could beat him.

"What do you s'pose they were fighting about?" The din began again.

"Who knows? Do they even NEED a reason to go at each other?"

"I'm surprised they don't end up frakking instead of fighting. Wouldn't that be something - right there on the flight deck in front of everyone!" Some coarse laughter was heard.

"I'm surprised too. I could have sworn they were hot for each other."

"Nah, who'd want Starbuck? She's too ... butch."

"What the hell? She's hot - you're blind man."

And the volume continued to rise as the gossip and speculation spread like wildfire.

"Enough."

One word was all it took to reduce the room to silence. Seventeen people all rose from their chairs as one to salute their Commander.

"Sit down," he said shortly, and his people obeyed. "I know this is a small ship and news travels fast, but I expect this kind of behaviour to desist IMMEDIATELY. It's childish and unkind. You are being disrespectful to two of Galactica's finest officers, who've saved our collective asses on more than one occasion I might add, and your superior officers. What happened between Apollo and Starbuck is exactly that - between Apollo and Starbuck. The next person I hear talking about them will join them in the brig. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir." Seventeen voice in unison, crisply saluting their Commander. As it should be.

"Back to your dinners then," he added, heading up to the counter to pick up his. He felt rather satisfied with himself - he'd known the rumour mill would run wild, but he had every intention of protecting his son's and Kara's privacy. They deserved that much.

As he sat down to eat, he pondered his next move. Finally, just as he finished, it came to him. He needed to see Kara.

ZZZZZZZZ

The guard heard the gentle tap at the door and turned to find the Commander standing there, waiting to be let in.

"Sir," he said, pulling the door open.

"Thank you Johnson. I'd like to see Starbuck."

"Oh." Surprise was evident on Johnson's face and in his voice. He'd assumed Adama had come to see his son. "Of course sir."

Adama looked at the adjacent cell and locked eyes with Lee briefly before turning back to focus on Kara. He sat beside her on the bed as the guard relocked the cell and returned to his desk.

"Kara."

No answer. He knew though, that she wasn't being disrespectful or rude by not answering. He knew that she couldn't - that she needed to close herself off to deal with her pain. He also knew something she didn't - that she would need help.

"Kara, I wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. I'm not mad or upset with you - I understand life has been tough the last year and that you've had so much more to deal with than you should. You've buried your fears and pains and done what needed to be done to save us. And I'm immensely proud of you. But I know all of that must be eating away at you, especially now with all that's happened in the past few weeks. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it was for you to leave us to retrieve the arrow of Apollo - and don't even think for one minute that you deserted us! You did what had to be done to save humanity, despite your personal feelings for those you left behind.

I know I don't believe in all that religious stuff, but many do, including yourself, and we need to have something to guide us - something to believe in , to keep us together. You gave us that hope, but at what cost? It's obvious you went through hell and back on Caprica; despite the fact that you won't talk about it, the signs are all there."

He carried on in a softer, more gentle voice. "I'm sure fighting with Lee, which incidentally the two of you seem incredibly proficient at, came at the wrong time for you as well.

Anyway, I wanted to make sure you know that if and when you need to talk, I'm here for you." He reached over and put an arm around her shoulders lovingly. She didn't snuggle into him, cry, or show any outward sign of emotion, but neither did she shrug it off.

It was a good first step, Adama thought.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Absolution - chapter 6

ZZZZZZZZ

Adama was worried about his son. Lee looked like he hadn't slept in days, and in actuality, he probably hadn't. Adama had been unfortunately or perhaps fortunately unconscious and fighting for his life while Kara had been gone, but Tigh had kept him up to date with Lee's 'activities' and considering the strain he'd been under along with worrying about Kara, he probably hadn't slept the entire two weeks. And now, he likely hadn't slept much the last two nights either. He looked like hell and sounded worse.

"Lee," Adama interrupted, as Lee plodded through his weekly report, looking and sounding like a zombie. Lee lifted his eyes from the page and stopped talking.

"Go lie down."

"No, really, I'm fine sir," Lee protested but Adama held up a hand to silence him.

"You need rest."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Now get some rest - that's an order. I need my CAG clear-headed and able to work."

Lee stood up, gathering papers back into his file folder. "Yes sir," he said resignedly.

Just as he reached the door he heard his father's voice speak softly. "And I hate to see my son suffering so much."

Lee stopped and blinked a few times. It was rare that his father said words of comfort to him. He was obviously uncomfortable with the whole idea of showing emotions, and Lee could count on one hand the number of times his father had opened up with him like this. He half turned. "Dad?" Adama had risen from his chair and was heading towards his son, pulling him into an embrace while Lee was still too shocked to move.

"It hurts me to see you like this," he said quietly, and the fact that his father was able to say such a thing, nevermind the words themselves, brought tears to Lee's eyes. It was obvious their relationship was changing. For the better.

ZZZZZZZZ

"What the hell?" Doc Cottle was not impressed. It was 2am and he was off duty.

"I need something."

"Can't it wait till morning Apollo?"

"No. I need you to give me something to make me sleep."

"You drag my ass out of bed at this hour for frakking sleeping pills? Are you crazy?"

"Keep your voice down! You'll wake up Starbuck!" Lee growled. He'd spent hours watching her, as her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. She'd finally let herself lay down, still curled in the fetal position, and fall asleep.

Lee however, had tossed and turned, far too much on his mind to allow for rest. He was mindful of his father's words though, and knew he HAD to sleep sometime tonight. So he'd begged the guard to wake the Doc and bring him down.

"I need them Doc. I won't be able to function if I don't sleep."

"Nuh uh, no can do. Only on orders."

"Frak the orders! I'm your superior office, now do as I say!"

"Sorry Apollo, in order to give them to you I need word from the Commander or Exo."

"Frak." Lee looked like he was about to cry. The Doc looked at him closely.

"You look like hell."

"Thanks for noticing," Lee said sarcastically. "Doesn't do much if you won't help me."

"How long has it been since you've slept?"

Lee thought at moment. "I think I caught a couple of hours on the Astral Queen, if I remember rightly. That must have been ... hmmm ... five or six days ago?" He seemed to be asking more than telling.

"Frak. No wonder you look so bad. You haven't had any stims have you?"

"How could I? I need the Commander or Exo's permission." Lee's voice dripped with sarcasm, but the doctor could hear an undercurrent of exhaustion as well.

"Just this once Apollo. But if this gets out, I'll deny everything."

"Fine, fine, just do it please?" Lee pleaded, body weary beyond anything he'd ever experienced before, even the time the cylons attacked every 33 minutes. At least he'd had adrenaline to keep him going then.

Fifteen minutes later, he was blissfully sleeping - finally able to rest.

ZZZZZZZZ

Kara woke to find Lee sleeping like a baby. The lines on his face were lessened and he looked relaxed - unlike the way he'd looked since Kara'd come back.

She'd had the nightmares again. She was afraid to let herself sleep, but her body had betrayed her and given in again. Every time she had the nightmare, she woke up in a cold sweat, terrified she was back at the baby farm on Caprica.

She sat up in bed and clasped her arms around her legs again, ready to face another day.

She watched as the guard struggled to get Lee up - he acted as though he'd been drugged, but how was that possible? He'd blinked and stretched a few times and then come to the bars of her cell, and tender but sad look in his usually piercing blue eyes.

"Kara, how are you doing?" he said softly. He didn't really expect an answer though, so when she turned her head to look at him, it came as a great shock. The look of intense pain in her grey-green eyes was almost enough to make him flinch. He felt tears prick at the back of his eyes. No! Don't cry! He ordered himself.

"It's time to go sir," the guard broke the silence reluctantly. He could feel the tension between them, and the pain they both radiated was strong enough to affect him.

"I'll see you later," Lee whispered, blinking back the tears and following the guard out of his cell. It was going to be another tough day.

ZZZZZZZZ

Lee sat in the nearly deserted mess hall, trying to get caught up on some of his paperwork. It seemed the pile never lessened, and now especially with all the extra hands-on work he had to do, it appeared the pile was growing. Crashdown had had a bad reaction to something he'd eaten and had been out of commission for the day, leaving Lee to do two rounds of CAP plus Starbuck's nugget training - altogether ten hours in the air.

He dropped his pen and scrubbed a hand across his eyes, wishing he had toothpicks to keep them open. His body was bone-weary and stiff from so many hours in the cockpit, and all he wanted was a long, hot shower and a date with his rack.

Unfortunately, a good chunk of the paperwork sitting in front of him was due on his father's desk that evening, and , as in the games of Monopoly he'd played in his youth, he had to go straight to jail - do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, and definitely no shower either.

Lee let his gaze wander and discovered that the only other person in the room with him was Colonel Tigh. He glanced at the clock. No surprise - it was long past suppertime.

Tigh was looking at him, a smug look on his face. Lee chose to ignore it and continued on with his work, but now he felt Tigh's eyes on him and he had the constant urge to look up and see if he was staring. He glanced up and down a few times over the next few minutes, only to find Tigh's smug face staring back at him.

He clenched his teeth and put his pen down deliberately. "Go ahead, say it," he said stiffly.

"Say what?" Tigh chose to play the innocent.

"Whatever's on your mind. I can tell you're dying to say it, so go ahead."

"Off the record?"

"Whatever." Lee tensed, knowing it wasn't going to be pretty.

Tigh shook his head, a tight-lipped smile playing around his mouth. "You're a bastard."

"I beg your pardon?" Lee was shocked. He'd never expected Tigh to be so blunt.

"Hitting a woman. I can't believe you'd stoop so low. And to do it twice now. Maybe more times," he shrugged. "Who the hell knows what kind of abuse you subject her to when no one's looking."

Lee was livid. He stood suddenly, knocking over his chair. "You don't know anything about it." His voice was shaking with anger. "You don't understand our relationship, so don't even pretend you do!"

"You're right - I don't think anyone understands - it's far too frakked up." He stood now too, eyes narrowing. "But the fact that you have a 'relationship' to explain is against the rules mister. If you'd keep your personal feelings where they belong..."

"Personal feelings? Who are you to be talking about personal feelings? You were willing to leave Starbuck behind and let her die because you can't stand her!"

"And you were willing to let the rest of us die to save her! She's not worth forty-five thousand lives."

"Yes she is!" Lee's eyes flashed with fire.

Tigh nodded slightly, his eyes never leaving Lee's face. But he said nothing for a few moments, allowing Lee's statement to weigh heavily.

"So that's it, isn't it? You love her. She's not just your friend, she's your frakking lover."

"No she's not!"

"But you wish she was."

Lee wanted to deny it, but he couldn't flat-out lie. So he said nothing. Tigh nodded again at Lee's tacit acceptance of his statement.

"God I feel sorry for her. I can't believe I'm saying this about Starbuck of all people, but if that's how you treat people you love..."

"Be glad I don't like you!" Lee spat bitterly.

"Oh, I am son, I am."

"Don't you call me son!"

"Right, that's reserved for someone else you love, or do you really love him? It's hard to tell sometimes, especially when you turn on him and join forces with the President. I feel sorry for him too, having a son like you."

If looks could have killed, Tigh would have been dead on the floor, a dagger sticking out of his heart. When Lee finally spoke, his voice was deadly quiet. "At least I make a stand for what I believe in."

Tigh advanced towards him, a murderous look on his face. "Why you littlle..."

"What?" Lee said calmly, standing his ground. "Go ahead, call me whatever you like." He smiled, enraging Tigh further.

"I'm going to get you for that," Tigh bit out angrily, pulling his arm for a punch. Lee continued to hold his ground.

"Hold it!" a voice bellowed from the doorway, just as Tigh's fist was about to collide with Lee's nose. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" The Commander's voice was venomous, his gaze aimed at Tigh. Tigh couldn't seem to find his voice, so Adama's eyes turned to Lee.

"We were just having a conversation."

"Like hell we were." Tigh finally found his tongue. "You insulted my honour..."

"And you were about to deck me because of it." Lee paused a moment and his voice softened. "Now you know how Starbuck feels."

"Gentlemen, there's been enough violence on my ship lately. No more! Captain, report to the brig as per your orders. Colonel, you are relieved of duty."

"Yes sir," the said in unison, Tigh throwing a nasty glance at Lee on his way out of the room.

Adama fell into step with his son. "You want to tell me what the hell was going on in there?" he asked.


	6. Chapter 6

Absolution - chapter 7

ZZZZZZZZ

Tigh had been muttering to himself all the way back to his quarters, and by the time he got there, he was having a full-out conversation with no one.

" ... accusing ME of letting MY personal feelings get in the way of duty. If that boy was mine, he'd have felt my fist enough times to know not to cross his superiors ..."

"What's the matter Saul?" Ellen Tigh simpered, standing up and discarding the book she was reading. It wasn't usual for her husband to stalk into their quarters and slam the hatch. The talking to himself however ... had become a little more routine of late.

"I need a drink," he said shortly, grabbing his bottle of whiskey and taking a long draught.

"What's wrong?"

"Wrong? You're asking me what's wrong?" He whirled around angrily, ready to lay into her, but then his anger fizzled as he realized his wife didn't deserve his wrath. He sighed, shoulders slumping down from their haughty position. "Everything's wrong," he said, in a quieter, calmer tone.

"Sit down honey." Ellen moved a chair behind him and pushed him into it. She began to massage his shoulders. "Tell me."

So he drank and sat, while she loosened the knots in his shoulders, and eventually the alcohol loosened his tongue as well, and he told her the whole story. She clucked a few times at the end, and then leaned over his shoulder. "Bill is just too easy on those kids. They get away with murder. Now if someone like YOU were in charge ..."

"I WAS in charge for two weeks, remember? I frakked that up nicely didn't I?" Tigh said bitterly. "Nearly destroyed the fleet. At least I'd go down in history as the man who single-handedly destroyed the human race. If there was any history to be had after that." He rubbed a hand across his stubbly face in a very characteristic way for him. "Let it be, Ellen. It doesn't matter," he said wearily.

"Of course it matters. You could be a much better leader if given the right circumstances." She kissed his cheek.

He turned to face her. "That's the problem. These aren't the right circumstances, and I don't belong here anymore." He sighed again. "Frakking cylons, ruining my life. I was looking forward to retirement too."

"Don't say that honey, you're not old." She stroked his face and put on her provocative smile. "Let's do something to forget about all this, shall we?" And suddenly she was straddled across his lap, dress hiked up to her thighs as her hands and lips worked his neck. Tigh sighed and gave in. It was the only pleasure he had left in life.

ZZZZZZZZ

"Nothing. Really. Nothing," Lee said, somewhat unconvincingly though.

"Didn't seem like nothing to me."

"We were just talking, like I said, and he got upset."

Adama turned to look at his son. "What did you say to upset him enough to want to hit you?"

"Called him a coward."

"That'll do it."

"Well he is," Lee said defensively.

"Whether he is or isn't, isn't the issue here. It's how you treat your superior officers."

"To be fair, he called me a bastard first," Lee said lightly, a little smile beginning to cross his face.

"For what?" Adama stopped walking. They were nearly there and he didn't want to have this conversation in front of Kara. Or the guard either, for that matter.

"For hitting Kara."

Adama nodded but said nothing.

"You think so too, don't you?" Lee searched his father's eyes.

"What I think stays right here." Adama tapped his head. "I'll admit though, I certainly wasn't happy to learn the truth, but I know you and Kara have had your differences, both personal and professional. Somehow you always manage to work them out. She's a very physical person - hits first, talks later - so I'd guess she laid into you first."

Lee nodded, eyes dropping to the deck. No matter WHAT she'd done, he should never have hit back.

"Don't dwell on it. The past is a lesson for the future, not a place to live. Remember what happened and don't let it happen again."

"I won't," Lee said earnestly, eyes shining suspiciously with tears. Adama put a hand on his son's shoulder.

"You've grown into a fine man Lee. You make me proud."

Lee searched his father's eyes again. They shone. "Thanks dad," he whispered.

"I'll see you in the morning. Oh, and don't insult your seniors again. The price paid will be higher next time."

"Yes sir," Lee smiled and turned the hatch to the brig. "Goodnight dad."

"Goodnight Lee." They exchanged a smile before Lee disappeared into his temporary prison.

ZZZZZZZZ

An hour later, Lee was shaken from his daydreams as the hatch opened and Doc Cottle entered.

"I'm here to check on my patient," he told the guard, who nodded and let him into Kara's cell.

He pulled up the chair backwards and straddled it, arms folded across the backrest. He stared at Kara for a few minutes before speaking.

"Looks painful. Is it?"

She nodded. He leaned an arm towards her and gently touched her cheek, feeling for swelling. "Seems to be getting a little better. Can you eat?"

She shook her head.

"Drink?"

She pulled a glass of water off the floor, showing him the striped straw sticking out of it.

"Good. Can you talk?"

She shrugged.

"Could you try?"

She shook her head.

"Come on Starbuck, this is medical examination. You need to cooperate."

She shook her head again.

In spite of himself, Lee had to smile. She was being her usual stubborn self - that was good news. This new, meek, speechless Kara frightened him, truth be told. Probably more so because he knew he was the cause of it. What he'd said and done had pushed her over the edge, and he was afraid she wouldn't be able to come back. This display of willfulness on her part gave him hope that she could work through her pain and come back. He needed Starbuck. And Kara. He missed them both.

"Lieutenant, please. I need you to talk for me." The Doc was obviously getting frustrated and angry with her. She stubbornly stayed quiet though, and Lee had to really work at it to keep from laughing out loud. She really was frustrating! But it was nice for a change that it wasn't him she was having a battle of wills with.

"Fine." The Doc gathered his bag and stalked out of her cell without a backward glance.

Lee finally let go and allowed himself to laugh. He felt as though he'd burst if he didn't. Kara turned and fixed him with an evil glare.

"Sorry," he said quietly, struggling to contain his laughter.

Then she caught him off guard - her lips curved upwards in a small smile. She winced in pain the next second though, and the unemotional mask was back - the smile almost nothing more than a wish on his part.

But Lee knew what he'd seen, and he smiled. It seemed she was beginning to heal - and not just physically either.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Absolution - chapter 7

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Lee slept that night, better than he'd slept in a long time. He still woke a couple of times when Kara groaned in pain in her sleep, but he was able to get a few hours in here and there. He even dreamed, about her of course, his dreams often seemed to revolve around Kara. In this one, she'd been teasing him about something, though for the life of him he couldn't remember what by morning, but she'd thrown a shirt over his head and taken off at a run, him following closely behind. Her knee had been as it was before the accident and she was quick as the wind - well matched for him. He'd finally trapped her in a corridor with no exit and had her cornered ... and then he woke up.

He groaned, partly because he was still exhausted and craved more sleep, but mostly because he'd wanted to continue his dream to the logical conclusion. Of course, the wet spot on the bed might be a bit tough to explain._ Calm down Lee,_ he told himself, _You need to work on regaining her trust and friendship before even considering anything else._

He sat up, dropping his legs over the side of the bed, and rubbed his eyes. When he could see clearly again, he looked over to Kara's cell to find her still sleeping. Good, she needed rest in order to heal. She was sprawled across the bed, one leg hanging slightly off - that was also good. He hadn't seen her out of the fetal position until now - hopefully she was beginning to feel stronger and less vulnerable.

He made sure the guard was preoccupied and then walked over to the bars separating them, leaning on them and sighing . He put his fingers to his lips, kissed them and held them through the bars toward her. "Be well Kara," he whispered, and he smiled sadly.

"Morning Captain," the guard said, pulling out his keys and heading to Lee's cell door. "Ready for another day?"

Lee took a deep breath. "Guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Several hours later, the guard admitted the Commander to Kara's cell. She'd been awake for some time, but Lee had been gone by the time she'd stirred. Adama came and sat on the bed beside her.

"How are you holding up?" he asked kindly. She looked him in the eye, but only bobbled her head slightly and shrugged. "Had better days - I understand. Well, things should get better soon - you're out of here now, and that has to be an improvement." He smiled tenderly at her. "The doc tells me you weren't very cooperative with him last night though." She rolled her eyes skyward with a kind of 'well, you know how it is' expression on her face. "I know you don't particularly like him, but he is here to take care of us, and like it or not you have to cooperate with him." She sighed. "He won't put you back on the duty roster till you talk to him and he gives you a thorough checkup. I've added one condition as well - you have to talk to someone - I mean talk about personal things. You can talk to me, you know that, or if you feel more comfortable with someone else I understand, but I need to know that you're getting some support." He reached out and held her hand. "I'm worried about you Kara. I love you and I don't want to see you continue to hurt like this."

Kara didn't say anything, but she managed a small smile and squeezed his hand. Adama stood up, still holding her hand.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Good morning Captain. Have a seat." Roslin waved a hand at Lee, motioning him to the chair opposite her.

"Good morning Madam President."

She studied him closely for a moment before continuing. "Is it good?" she asked earnestly.

Lee marveled once again at how perceptive she was. She had a way of looking at you that made you feel as though she could see into your very soul. "Better than it could be." Lee smiled weakly.

She nodded, a small, sorrowful smile on her face. "I understand." She paused a moment, shuffling papers on her desk in preparation for their discussion.

"Can I ask you something?" The words came as a surprise - even to Lee himself.

Roslin stopped what she was doing and looked up. He had sounded so ... desperate. "Of course."

"Why Kara? Why her?" The words tore themselves from his mouth. He hadn't even been aware he'd been thinking them. "Why did you send her to Caprica?"

Roslin took off her glasses and folded her hands on the desk. She knew this day would come eventually. But she still didn't know what to say to him. How to justify sending the woman Lee loved to her probable death? There really wasn't anything she COULD say, other than the truth. She owed him that much. She looked up and flinched as she saw his face. The naked pain and sorrow was something she had rarely ever seen in a human being before. He was suffering terribly.

"It was something that had to be done. I felt it necessary for the survival of the human race." She paused a moment. "I'd like to be able to say it was because Lieutenant Thrace had the skills necessary for the job, but the plain truth is that I felt she was the easiest to coerce into betraying the fleet."

Lee's eyes widened. "You coerced her? You didn't _order_ her to go?"

"You really think she'd follow any order I might give? She barely follows your father's orders."

"What made you think she'd be willing to betray my father so easily? She loves him like a father."

"Love is a powerful emotion. It can be used to do a great many things. Kara loves your father and would blindly follow him anywhere. All I did was shake her trust in him, and she was willing to believe in me and my ideals."

"You used her," Lee said quietly, feeling like he'd just had all the air knocked out of him.

"It's called politics, Captain Apollo. There's a reason it has a reputation for being dirty."

Lee shook his head disbelievingly. "I should have know there was something else. Kara would never just leave like that." His voice went one notch quieter. "You made her feel like there was no reason to stay." He paused a moment. "And so did I," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut to block the memory of how he'd yelled at her twice that day, and refused to accept her apology. No wonder she'd left! She'd felt betrayed by the two people who mattered most to her. "Do you have any idea how much she's suffering because of it?"

"I am truly sorry, but it couldn't be helped. Lieutenant Thrace is a very tough person - she'll get through it. Imagine what it would be like for someone who isn't as hardened as she is."

Lee thought about it for a moment and nodded. She was right about that. He sighed. "I wish you would have asked me to go instead of her."

"You never would have gone."

"If I'd known you were going to send Kara, I wouldn't have hesitated to go for her." Roslin could see the truth of his statement. He really did love her and would have been willing to die for her.

"I did what I had to do to save the colonies. You do what you have to do now to save her." She put her hand on his, offering support.

"I will."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Kara sat on her bunk cross-legged. She'd had enough of just sitting around thinking though. Her head ached from the effort of trying _not_ to think. But she wasn't allowed to work yet - not till she talked. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Nope, no desire to talk about it at all. She just wanted to go back to normal - back to flying, Viper repairs, card-playing - yes, even paperwork. Anything would be better than this limbo.

Suddenly she got up and left the room. It was time. Time to get it all out. All of it. And there was only one person she could talk to.

She knocked on the hatch door.

"Yes?"

She opened the door and stepped in. "Do you have a few minutes?"

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Absolution - chapter 9

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Of course, come in." Adama put down the paper he was reading and placed his glasses carefully on top of it. He came around the desk and hugged her gently. "Water?" he asked. She nodded and he poured a glass, then came to join her on the couch.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Adama broke it. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Kara nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be," she answered. "It's never been easy for me to talk ..."

"That's a surprise," he teased.

"You know what I mean." She smiled. He always had a way of making her feel at ease.

"Yes, I know. For being probably the loudest and most obnoxious person on this ship, you're awfully closed about what's inside."

"Everyone has a skill," she smiled broadly, remembering the last time she'd used that phrase. The feelings she'd felt at that moment came back to her in a rush - happiness that Lee was still alive.

"You seem to have more than most. Of course a lot of them seem to get you into trouble..."

"Years of practice."

Adama smiled. She really was something special despite her rough exterior. He fully understood how both of his sons had managed to fall in love with her.

"Anyway, you wanted to talk, so ..."

Kara took a deep breath and began. "When I was on Caprica..."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Lee walked into the officer's mess, more than ready for lunch. His morning had seemed endless, even though he'd had less tasks than the previous few days. His roster of pilots was full, save Kara, and for once things seemed to be running smoothly.

He looked up from his lunch to find Baltar walking towards his table. _Please, not here._

"May I join you?" _Do the other seats look taken?_

"Sure," Lee said resignedly. He'd wanted to eat alone - needed time to himself. Something his two jobs rarely allowed. But one couldn't be rude to the Vice President.

"I hear Lieutenant Thrace is better."

"Yes," Lee said tersely.

"I also heard she's back to normal duty now as well. She must be happy about that."

"I suspect it'll be a long time before she's back on active duty."

"Why's that? It was a facial injury was it not?"

"Yes it was." Lee's fists balled up under the table. The desire to hit this irritating bastard was becoming almost unbearable.

"Right, I forgot. _You_ should know about facial injuries, or have you never suffered any?" The inquiry seemed innocent but Lee could read Baltar's purpose behind it. _You smug bastard!_

"You obviously have no idea of the physics involved in flight. The pressure in the cockpit would be enough to cause unbearable pain and probable unconsciousness. That's not even accounting for combat maneouvres, assuming we have visitors."

"Then I imagine she'll have a lot of time on her hands till she's healed enough to fly." Baltar smiled and half winked at Lee.

"Don't you touch her." The words were menacing enough to wipe the smile off his face.

"Or what?"

"Or you'll have me to deal with." Lee's voice was low and threatening.

Baltar laughed loudly, but there was no trace of amusement on his face. "Somehow I have the feeling she might be safer with me." He leaned closer to Lee and his voice dropped. "At least _I_ didn't hurt her - she cried out in ecstasy when she was with me."

Lee literally shook with anger. _ How dare he?_ He stood suddenly, face reddening, and walked out of the mess hall. _Control yourself Lee - you don't need the trouble turning him into a puddle of goo would cause._

Back in the mess hall, Baltar looked around at all the puzzled faces staring at him. "Have I said something?" he joked. No one laughed though.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Oh Kara, I'm so sorry," Adama said, reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

"It's not your fault." Her voice wavered as she fought to control her tears. There was a moment of silence between them.

"I can't help but feel responsible," he said quietly. "I replayed our last conversation before you left over and over in my head. I should have tried to stop you, not encouraged you to go."

"Wouldn't have mattered. I'd have gone anyway."

"I know. You're too damn stubborn for your own good." He smiled at her, squeezing her hand once again. She smiled back weakly, but the tears spilled forth and ran down her cheeks.

"Wonder where I learned that?" she asked, sniffling.

Adama reached a hand up and stroked her cheek tenderly. "I'm glad the gods sent you to us. You truly do belong in the Adama family."

"I thought you didn't believe in the gods."

"I don't. But you do, and if that faith was enough for you to do what you did, then perhaps I ought to reconsider. A lot of things that have happened lately have shaken what I've always believed to be sacred."

Kara's eyes dropped. She knew he was referring to her desertion and Lee's betrayal. "I'm sorry sir. Sorry I wasn't here when ... it all happened." She just couldn't bring herself to say the words.

Adama put a finger under her chin and lifted it up so he could look into her eyes. "No regrets - isn't that what I told you? Make sure you have no regrets." He almost sounded angry, but the sorrow in his eyes belied the gruff tone.

"My life is full of regrets," Kara said brokenly, tears spilling out again. Adama pulled her close and hugged her tightly.

"It's time to put them behind you and move forward."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Billy knocked and entered the President's 'study' as it had been dubbed, but stopped short upon seeing her slumped over, head in her hands.

"Madam President, are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"No, I'm not alright. Haven't been alright for a long time now."

Billy shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Do you need the doctor?"

She lifted her head up and looked straight at him, smiling weakly. "No, I think it's a different kind of healing I need."

Billy's eyebrows creased in confusion.

"See if Eloshia is available please."

"Right away Madam President." Billy turned and exited quickly. Roslin sighed deeply. Talking with Captain Apollo had been more wearing than she'd imagined it would be. She'd spent all the time since Lieutenant Thrace had left for Caprica telling herself that it had been necessary - that sacrifices had to be made. Now she was beginning to wonder if perhaps the price had been too high.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Ellen Tigh woke up to find her bed empty. Her eyes scanned the room to see if Saul had gone on duty yet. She found him, standing as though he'd been turned to stone, still in his tanks and undershorts, bottle in hand. He was unshaven and there was a glazed look in his eye.

"Starting a little early this morning, aren't we?" she drawled, leaning up on one elbow, exposing her naked torso to him.

"Frak you," he said nastily, taking another swig.

"Bill doesn't like it when you're drunk on duty."

"You been talking to him?" He eyed her appraisingly. He was well aware of his wife's ... hobbies, shall we say. He'd always thought she'd gone for younger men though. This was new.

"Not lately," she said, getting out of bed and pulling the sheet up around her.

"Hmm," was all she heard.

"Come back to bed Saul. You're not on duty for a few hours yet, and I can think of something better to do than drinking." She smiled provocatively.

"Sex isn't the cure for everything you know."

"But it makes you forget your problems."

"So does this." He swirled his bottle and took another long drink. "Works like a charm if you have enough of it."

"Pull yourself together Saul; can't you see what you're doing to yourself?" There was no mistaking the anger in her voice.

"You leave me to deal with things my way!" he roared back at her.

"You don't deal with them! You hide in that bottle!" she yelled back.

He pointed a finger at her warningly. "You just leave me alone, understand? Leave me alone." And he sank into a chair, the precious bottle headed back to his mouth.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Absolution - chapter 9

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Eloshia sat facing the President, waiting. The sacramental candles had been lit five minutes earlier but Roslin had yet to utter a word. So Eloshia sat patiently, offering up a silent prayer to the Lords of Kobol to give the troubled woman strength.

"Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer, have mercy on your wayward daughter." Eloshia could hear the quiver Roslin tried to hide as she spoke.

"What troubles you my child?" Eloshia asked, as per the rites of confession.

"I have been guilty of selfishness. I have cared only for myself and what matters to me, and in doing so I've hurt others."

"The Lords of Kobol hear their daughter's prayer. But absolution will only be granted upon a full confession, and the promise of a contrite heart and humbled spirit." Eloshia made the symbol of the twelve, invoking the ears of the gods to listen to their daughter's words.

"Was I wrong Eloshia? I couldn't have interpreted the prophecy so wrongly could I? I _am _ the dying leader. But am I _the _dying leader the prophecy referred to?"

"Only time will show the truth for what it is," she answered cryptically.

"I sent Lieutenant Thrace to her probable death for the arrow because I was _sure _that's what the prophecy was telling me to do."

"Then you did the right thing. Belief is what the gods require of us. Belief and trust. If the mission hadn't been what the gods had wanted, they wouldn't have protected her and brought her home safely."

"But they didn't," Roslin cried out, emotion breaking through her carefully schooled mask of calm indifference. "She _was _harmed, obviously. She came back a different person. Was I right to ask her to give her body and soul for me to fulfil _my_ purpose?"

"We never know if the choices we make are the right ones till long after their repercussions have been felt."

Roslin smiled painfully. "How will that help my conscience?"

"It won't. Absolution from the gods isn't something that is given on demand. One must earn it." She smiled sympathetically at the other woman. "I realize that absolution and understanding may come too late for you." She laid a hand on Roslin's arm. "If it's any consolation at all, remember Lieutenant Thrace is her own person. _She _ made the choice to go, not you. You merely asked. From what I've heard about her, she never does anything she doesn't want to do, even if it's a direct order." Roslin nodded ruefully. It was true - she was a woman who never let anyone decide for her. _Probably drove Adama nuts, _she thought. But it didn't change the fact that she herself felt responsible for Kara's precarious mental condition. And for causing Lee Adama so much pain as well. She wondered if he had any idea that people could tell how much he loved her. It had been obvious to Roslin herself right from the time he'd been ready to sacrifice all that remained of humanity to save her when she'd been lost.

"I pray for forgiveness. For wisdom. For compassion. And most of all for the gods to show me the path they've laid out for me and help me walk it unafraid."

"It shall be as you've asked." Eloshia joined her hands with Roslin's and bowed her head deeply.

"So say we all," Roslin whispered, closing her eyes in humility.

"So say we all."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Adama opened his eyes and sat forward on the couch. "Yes?" he called out, trying to look as if he hadn't been sleeping.

"Dad?" Lee poked his head around the hatch, and saw his father take off his glasses and rub his eyes. He wasn't fooled for a moment. "Am I disturbing you?" he asked, walking into the room fully. "Because I can come back later..."

"No, it's okay Lee, come in," Adama said, putting his glasses back on and standing up.

Lee shifted uncomfortably but said nothing as he shut the hatch. Adama sensed something was wrong. They stood looking at one another for a few moments before Adama motioned towards the couch. "Sit down." Lee complied, and they sat in silence. Just as Lee began to speak, Adama asked what was bothering him, and they both stopped and smiled at their awkwardness.

"Dad, I just ... I just wanted to say ... I'm sorry." Lee looked up at his father and Adama could see sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry I ..." he struggled to get the word out, and his eyes filled with tears. " ... betrayed you." The tears spilled down.

Adama smiled sadly and took his son's hand in his. "It's alright Lee."

"No, it's not alright! I turned against you and everything you stand for." He was gaining momentum - finally allowing all that he'd bottled up inside during and after the coup to come out. "You once told me we all had to choose sides, but I didn't believe you. I thought I could sit on the fence and serve both gods, so to speak. I thought I could be an officer and still a civilian. I didn't see the conflict it caused inside me until it was too late."

"That conflict has _always_ been here." Adama let go of his son's hand and put it on Lee's heart. Lee gave him a strange look. "I've always known your heart wasn't in the military." Lee began to protest but Adama shushed him. "You're a fantastic pilot, there's no one can argue that, but you've the heart of a politician. You care about people, about doing what's right. I know you've pushed yourself to succeed in order to be what you thought I wanted you to be, but it wasn't really you. I could tell you didn't want the position of CAG. You didn't want to be here at all, but your sense of duty made you see it through. I had a feeling it was going to crack eventually. You can't keep ignoring the war going on within you."

"But I should have chosen _your_ side! You're my father - my own flesh and blood - how could I have turned against you?"

"You didn't," Adama said gently. "You were never against _me_. You were against the decision I made. And rightly so. It was the wrong one."

Lee stared at his father, jaw hanging.

"What, you've never seen me admit I was wrong?"

Lee shook his head. "I don't think so," he said slowly. "When did you figure it was wrong?"

"Pretty much right after I made it."

"So why didn't you take it back?" Lee asked curiously.

"Because a leader has to appear strong. Has to follow through on what he says or people won't follow him any longer. I made my choice, I had to live with it, same as you. And now we're both dealing with the consequences of our choices." Lee frowned. "No, it's not a lot of fun is it? But it's part of being a man." Adama clapped his son's shoulder lovingly. "And even though I don't always agree with the choices you make, I respect that you stand up for what you believe in. You've grown into a fine man - a man any father would be proud of." Adama's voice dropped low as he sought to control his emotions. "And I _am _proud of you son." He pulled Lee into a hug, and Lee held his father tightly, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "Now before you go, we need to talk a little bit about Kara."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Roslin sank heavily down into what was once one of the first class chairs, and closed her eyes.

"Everything okay Madam President?" Billy asked, walking in as Eloshia walked out.

She nodded. Billy stood still, respectful of her silence, feeling she had something to say and waiting patiently for it.

"Billy, could you see about getting a shuttle to take me to Galactica please?"

"Trouble?"

"No, just someone there I need to talk to." She smiled and sighed. "I'm so glad Eloshia's still with us. That was a close call down on Kobol. I don't know what I'd do without her."

"Find someone else to serve as minister."

"I suppose. But there are some people that just can't be replaced. There's something about them ..." She trailed off, staring out the window.

"I'll go see about that shuttle," Billy said quietly, withdrawing without disturbing her reverie.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Only two more nights Captain," the guard grinned as he locked Lee in his cell for the night.

"Thank goodness! Much as I'm enjoying your company, I miss my own bunk."

"And your friends too I bet," he said quietly.

"Yeah," Lee agreed, a faraway look in his eye. The guard recognized this look. It was one Lee had most of the time he was locked away. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the look was regret, remorse, sorrow.

"You up for a game, or are you too busy tonight?" the guard offered, pulling a deck of cards out of his pocket.

Lee felt a pang of sorrow as he saw the cards. Kara! But then again, almost everything reminded him of Kara. "Sure that sounds good," Lee said, knowing he needed a way to distract himself for at least a little while.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"We have dradis contact sir," Gaeta said suddenly, breaking the relative silence in the CIC.

"Report," Adama said tersely.

"Sir, we have contact from Colonial One's shuttle. The President is on her way over."

Adama looked meaningfully at Tigh, who raised his eyebrows in answer. _I wonder what she wants, _Adama thought curiously.

"Colonial One shuttle onscreen. Arrival in three minutes."

"Thank you Mr. Gaeta, Dee."

"Sir," Dee said, holding up a hand. "The President has requested to speak to you."

Adama picked up the headset with a sense of foreboding. "Yes, Madam President," he said careful to sound welcoming.

"Commander. I hope you don't mind an unscheduled visit."

"Not at all. _Well ..._ Is there business you wish to discuss? Shall I have the conference room ready?"

"No, actually ... I ... this visit is personal. I have someone, no two people I wish to speak to."

"Oh," Adama replied, clearly startled. "Well, alright then. Shall I have someone meet you at the airlock?"

"Yourself, if you're not too busy," Roslin replied candidly.

"Very well. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Thank you Commander," she answered in a soft voice. She smiled as she put down the phone. She'd expected it to be more difficult to get a private word with him. _Of course the other person I need to speak with could be a little bit more difficult,_ she thought.

"Okay Madam President, we're docked and you're clear for entry," the pilot informed her.

"Thank you," Roslin smiled, preparing to step off the ship when suddenly the world went black and she pitched forward heavily ... into Adama's arms.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Absolution - chapter 10

**oooooooooooooooooo**

Roslin opened her eyes to find Adama's gently smiling face looking down at her.

"You gave us quite a scare there," he said, feather-light fingers brushing a stray lock of hair off her face.

"Boo." The corners of her mouth turned up in a smile.

Adama chuckled. "You are so much like Kara sometimes, it's almost frightening."

"Lieutenant Thrace?" she said, surprised.

He nodded. "The two of you are very similar - you're just a little less rough around the edges."

"Maybe a little more right now," she said weakly. "What happened?"

"You passed out."

"That part I'd figured out already. Why?"

"Your blood pressure slipped dangerously low." Doc Cottle had been hovering nearby. "I got you stabilized for now. You need to take it easy for a while though."

She nodded.

"So is it okay to talk about whatever's on your mind here?" Adama asked.

Roslin looked around. "Pull the curtain."

He did as she asked then came to sit on the edge of the bed. "So, what's on your mind?"

**ooooooooooooooooooooo**

Kara reached for the spanner, but it apparently wasn't where she'd left it. She felt around furiously, unable to sit up and look for it. "Where is that frakking thing?" she asked herself, sliding the dolly out from under the Viper she was repairing.

"It's good to see some things are back to normal," a voice commented quietly. Lee. He'd been leaning on a Raptor beside her, watching her work for some time.

"Not enough things," she said carefully, folding her hands over her chest.

"We miss you out there Starbuck," he said, after a pause, unsure if he should speak at all. Was her comment meant sarcastically, or was she trying to make him feel guilty for putting her in this condition? He really didn't know. And truly, he didn't need any help with the guilt either - it was already eating him alive.

"Yeah, I miss it too," she said wistfully, actually looking directly at him for the first time. "You look like hell Captain."

Lee smirked at the trace of sarcasm in her voice. _That's my girl! _ "Thanks for noticing. You don't look too bad yourself."

"Funny, I never thought I looked good in a mix of brown, yellow, purple and blue."

"Suits you," he joked back, hoping he wasn't going too far. She just nodded. "So um ... how go the repairs?"

"Good. Got anything else? I'm getting bored of Vipers."

"Paperwork?" he teased. "I'd be more than happy to share that with you."

"Yeah, well ... I'm not _that _ desperate."

"I'm ... glad you're feeling better Kara," he offered tentatively.

"Getting there," she said guardedly. Lee could almost see her defences come back up. She'd let them down just a fraction to joke with him, but the conversation was obviously becoming painful for her.

"If you need more to do, talk to the Chief. I'm sure he's got enough work to share," Lee said gently. "I've got to go now. I'll see you later?" There was a pleading tone in his voice that didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Yeah," she said noncommitally.

As Lee walked past, he touched her shoulder briefly, but she flinched, and Lee's heart sank. _She doesn't trust me,_ he thought sadly. _ Not that I've given her any reason to. I'm going to have to work awfully hard to regain that trust, _he thought, as he left the flight deck.

**oooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Roslin fiddled with the edge of the blanket, and stared down, refusing to meet his eyes. Bill Adama wasn't a genius at reading people, but even he could tell that she was going to have trouble talking to him. He took her hand in his and closed over it, stilling it from it's restless movements.

"It's okay. You can tell me," he said softly.

She finally looked up and her eyes were full of sadness. "I'm sorry Bill."

"That's it?" he teased. "All that fuss for a simple 'I'm sorry'? You don't need to apologize.

"Don't you go making fun now,' she said, shaking her head at him. "I'm being serious here."

He smiled. "Okay."

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm sorry I asked Lieutenant Thrace to go to Caprica. I'm sorry I went against your authority. You were right - it was a military decision and I should have abided with it.' Her eyes sparkled with tears. "Most of all, I'm sorry I went behind your back. I didn't have the right to coerce her to go."

"Laura, stop. It's not all your fault. I need to shoulder a good chunk of the blame too. You may have been wrong to go behind my back, but I gave you no choice. I wasn't willing to even consider your suggestion because I'm not a believer."

"Neither was I," she whispered. "It all came upon me suddenly and it just made sense somehow."

"It was my fault for not being open-minded enough. And then afterwards - renouncing your Presidency? That was just selfishness." Adama looked down at the bed. "You hurt me and I lashed out at you. I should have kept my personal feelings in check."

Roslin squeezed his hand. "We all make mistakes. It's only human."

Adama looked up and smirked. "At least you don't think I'm a cylon anymore. That's a start."

Roslin smiled. "So where do we go from here?"

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

Upon shift's end, Kara went straight back to the officer's quarters and barricaded herself in her bunk. Only there could she let the tears fall. No one saw Starbuck cry, and now was going to be no exception. Well, the old man did, but that was different. He wasn't just _anyone._

The tears fell for a long time as she thought about Lee. It had been good to see him again - she'd missed him, both while she was on Caprica and since the 'incident' after she'd returned. But on the other hand, she felt an unfamiliar feeling around him now - fear. Not that Kara _never _felt fear - quite the opposite, but never before had it been in relation to Lee. Since the cylon attacks had begun, he'd been the one she'd felt safest with. His father had been the foundation she'd built her new life on after Zack's death, but Lee was her spirit, her reason for living, not just existing as she'd done since then. The old man had pulled her through but she hadn't _really_ had friends, and though she'd frequently smiled and laughed, she hadn't really been happy.

Until Lee had come. They'd clung to each other as the only familiar thing in a now unfamiliar universe, and the bond of friendship that had sprung up out of it had given her life and purpose. And happiness. Something she thought she'd never find again. Apparently the Adama brothers were the only ones who held a key to her heart. Unfortunately Lee had abused the privilege, and now she was afraid to allow him back in again.

The tears flowed unchecked until she fell into a deep sleep.

**oooooooooooooooooo**

Lee came wearily into the bunkroom at the end of his shift and stopped dead seeing Kara's curtain. The fact that it was pulled meant she was in there. A war raged within him. He wanted to go to her, to touch her, to make her understand he loved her and was desperately sorry for all the pain he'd caused, but on the other hand, he knew he ought to leave her alone and not push. Let her come to him when she was ready.

The former won out though, and his feet involuntarily pulled him forward. He stopped in front of her bunk. "Kara," he called softly. No answer. "Kara, are you okay?" Still no answer. His hand inched forward till it touched the curtain. It was taboo to open another's curtain without permission, but he _had _to know. He pulled it aside a few inches and his heart constricted. She was curled up, fast asleep, hugging her pillow. As he looked more closely, he realized her cheeks were blotchy pink and her eyelashes were wet. She'd been crying.

He dropped to his knees. "Oh Kara," he whispered. "I'm sorry I'm hurting you so much." Tears pricked in his eyes. "I don't mean to hurt you, I love you." His hand stole close to her head and his fingers touched her hair. loose and long (for her), caressing it lovingly. "I love you Kara, always remember that. I have such a way of frakking things up, but I never wanted to hurt you."

Lee got up suddenly and closed the curtain. He wiped the corners of his eyes and walked softly out of the bunkroom. One more night and he'd be sleeping here again.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Absolution - chapter 11

**oooooooooooooooo**

The shakes were hell. He'd had them before, when Bill had used his pull to get him a place in the fleet, and they'd been hell then too. Maybe even more so - his drinking problem had been worse then too, far worse.

He'd made the fatal mistake of hiding his guilt, his fear, his inadequacy, in the bottle. But frak, he'd taken Bill's decision to renounce the President to the ultimate level. He'd done exactly the opposite of what Bill had wanted - declaring martial law and practically causing a civil war within the fleet.

He shook his head and continued pacing. The only way to get through the withdrawal was to move. He'd learned that the hard way. So he paced - back and forth in his quarters like a caged animal. He wasn't aware of how long he'd been pacing - his body was weary but it had settled into a routine and so he kept walking involuntarily.

"When are you going to sit down and have a drink?" a voice drawled from the doorway. Tigh shot his wife and evil glance and thought, not for the first time, that it was a mixed blessing she'd been found alive. There were days ...

"Come on honey, you're too tense. Have a drink." She held out a glass of ambrosia.

He smacked it, sending the liquid everywhere and the glass smashing to the floor, splintering into a thousand pieces. "No!" he yelled.

"What the hell is wrong with you Saul?" Her eyes flashed angrily.

"I'm not doing this anymore! It's time to stand up and be counted."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I screwed up. It's time for me to be a man and take the consequences. I'm tired of hiding."

Ellen slid her arms around his neck. "Honey ..."

"No," he said firmly, withdrawing them. "I won't let you do this to me. It's time _I _made the decisions around here."

Her eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"

"You need to go Ellen."

"Go? Go where? Out an airlock?" Her voice rose in anger. "You can't just dump me like this!"

"You need to leave. I can't think clearly when you're here. We'll find someplace on one of the civilian ships."

She stalked into the room and began ripping clothes out of the cupboard and throwing them on the bed. "Don't do me any favours! I can take care of myself!"

"Ellen..."

"No," she held her hand up. "You've made yourself perfectly clear. You don't want me. Well, I'm sure someone else will." She came close - within a few inches of his face. "You'd better not regret this because I'm not coming back. Ever." She stalked to the door.

"You might want to get dressed first."

"Jealous that other men will see me like this?" she shot sarcastically, running her hands down the sides of her lacy negligee, grazing the sides of her breasts.

"Don't care," he answered, shaking his head. "You want the whole ship to know what a slut you are ... oh wait, they already do," he said spitefully.

"You little ..." she began, face screwed up in anger.

"Just get out. I'll send your stuff." Tigh said, turning his back and walking away from her.

"You haven't seen the last of me," she spat. "I'm not finished with you yet." She stormed angrily out the hatch and slammed it behind her.

Tigh sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. Yet another thing he needed to talk to Bill about. Ellen had a vast capacity for revenge (as well he knew), and they were going to have to keep an eye on her.

**oooooooooooooooooo**

_Her eyes widened in horror as her belly grew right before her eyes. "No, please don't do this to me!" she begged. "Get it out! Get it out!" Kara screamed, but no one was listening. The only other occupants of the room, all two hundred of them, were in the same situation she was, only they seemed to have accepted it and had allowed themselves to be drugged into unconsciousness._

_Anders! Where was Anders? Why hadn't he come to rescue her? He'd said he cared for her but where was he now that she _really _needed him?_

_Helo! Helo was her friend - they'd been on Galactica together for two years. Didn't he care enough to come save her? No, he was too busy taking care of his pregnant cylon. Like _she _was the one who needed the help!_

_She suddenly felt movement in her belly as the baby kicked furiously. As she watched, the baby's movements became frantic and it seemed as though it would burst right through her stomach. Her eyes widened even further as her belly began to pulse with an orange light. She screamed as a fist suddenly broke through and waved in the air._

_"Lee! Help me Lee!" she shrieked as she thrashed wildly on the bed, watching the blood pour out of her stomach._

**ooooooooooooooooo**

"Lee! Help me Lee!"

Lee jolted awake suddenly, sitting up and nearly whacking his head on the next bunk. Kara! She was calling for him!

He leapt out of bed and was next to her in an instant. He sent a thankful prayer to someone, anyone, that he was finally back in his own bunk and able to be there for her. He climbed into her bunk and sat beside her, throwing an arm around her to still her wild movements, and stroking her damp hair with the other hand. "It's okay Kara, I'm here. You're okay, you're safe." He whispered reassuring words constantly, and held her firmly, hoping she'd understand and feel safe. "I'm here for you. You're not alone, I'm here."

Her violent thrashing had slowed and now she was just mumbling in her sleep. "Take it out, please ... no baby ... out ... save me ... take me home ..."

"Shhh, it's okay. You're safe - you're home now."

After a time Kara began to relax into his arms, snuggling in closer to him. His heart ached - whether with sorrow or happiness, he wasn't sure, but he wasn't about to waste the opportunity to love her and protect her. Lee lay down beside her and she tucked up into his arms, back against his front.

"Mm, Lee," she murmured.

"It's me, I'm here," he whispered, blowing a lock of her hair out of his eyes. "Go back to sleep. It's okay, I've got your back."

She sighed deeply and relaxed fully, falling back into a deep sleep.

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

Lee spent the rest of the night awake, thinking about Kara and his feelings for her. Not unlike every other night that had passed since she'd jumped away to Caprica, but now the warmth and comfort of having her in his arms made his thoughts much more pleasant.

Kara was such a a study in complexity. She was tough as they came - tougher than most men he'd known - but inside she was jelly. She'd never admit to having a vulnerable side, but Lee knew it was there. _Maybe that's what it is that makes me want to protect her so fiercely, though she hates the idea of relying on a 'man' to look out for her._

She shifted in his arms, turning to face him. She nestled into his neck and inhaled deeply. "Lee," she breathed softly.

His heart swelled with happiness. Even in her sleep she recognized his scent - and welcomed it. Maybe it wouldn't be as difficult as he'd thought to win back her trust. When she had nightmares, _he _was the one she called out to, not Anders. Likely she was dreaming about Caprica - it had to have been a hell of a time being on a planet occupied by cylons. No doubt she had all kinds of unwelcome things running through her head now. Hopefully one day she'd feel comfortable enough with him to tell him. _I'm here for you Kara, _he thought. _I'll never hurt you again - I promise._

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Absolution - chapter 12

**ooooooooooooooo**

Kara woke, feeling refreshed and less tired than she had in days. She left her eyes closed and just basked in the comfort of lying in a bed. And in someone's arms. Her eyes opened a crack and she nestled into warm, strong arms. Anders. It felt good being with him. Simple, uncomplicated - feelings that were what they seemed and were allowed to exist. Caprica had been much harder on her than she thought it was going to be, but finding Anders had been the gem beneath the hard, rocky surface. He pulled her closer and she snuggled in, taking a deep breath. Suddenly her eyes flew open.

Lee! His scent was unmistakable. How the hell had he ...?

She pulled out of his arms and quickly crawled out of bed. How could she have been deceived? She was on Galactica, not Caprica, and Lee was in her bed. _Lee!_

Her movements woke him and he quickly sat up, sensing impending trouble. One look at her eyes was enough to tell him everything he needed to know. "Kara, I can explain..."

"What the hell were you doing in my bed?" she demanded, voice trembling with fear and anger. Her arms immediately came up and crossed over her chest in a defensive posture. "It wasn't enough for you to hit me and make sure I couldn't fly? Now you're trying to take advantage of me too? _That's _something I would never have expected of you Lee Adama!"

"Kara wait," he said firmly, standing up. She cursed herself for noticing, yet again, how incredibly handsome he looked clad only in sweats. "I _wasn't _ trying to take advantage of you. I would _never _ do that. Surely you know that."

"I thought I knew you, but I'm beginning to realize I don't," she said, pain-filled eyes boring through him.

"Okay, I deserved that, but at least let me explain what happened ..."

"No, you know what? I don't even want to know. You're not who I thought you were. I just want you to go, okay? Go away and leave me alone!"

This was beginning to be just a little too much for Lee to bear, but he held his temper with great effort. "This is _my _room too, I have a right to be here," he said quietly, eyes dark with anger.

"Then move out of my space and let _me _leave!"

"Fine. As you wish Lieutenant." He stepped aside and moved across the room to his own bunk, flopping in and pulling the curtains - effectively putting up a 'do not disturb' sign.

Kara grabbed her clothes quickly and left the room, heading for the shower. She couldn't bear to bear near him now, the tension was too much. The tears held off until she was in the spray, then they mixed with the hot water running down her face. Why? Why was Lee doing this to her? _I always thought he cared about me - why does he keep doing things to hurt me? _ But she had no answer to that.

**oooooooooooooooooo**

Lee lay on his bunk, hands folded behind his head, hot tears trying to fight their way out of his eyes. He'd known it would be risky for her to wake up and find him in her bed, but he'd _never _expected her to flip out and accuse him of trying to take advantage of her sexually. That was something he'd _never _do, and she knew it - when she was thinking rationally. Lee was by no means perfect, as Kara was often happy to point out, but there were certain lines he would die before crossing. And this was one of them.

A couple of tears finally won the fight and slid slowly down his temples into his hair. _Patience, _he reminded himself. _You need to have patience with her - she doesn't trust you. She's obviously having trouble adjusting to being back and feeling vulnerable. She's not thinking clearly ; she's thinking with her heart, and considering you're the one who broke it this time - well, it might be a long time before she trusts you again. If ever. _ Cheerful thoughts there Adama, he told himself. But he couldn't deny the truth of them. He _had _ been the one to wound her verbally before Caprica, and then physically afterwards. She'd always trusted him before - and with good reason. He was always on her side - would do anything to save her and keep her safe. _Except let another man have her ..._

He sighed deeply as he came to a realization. In order to gain Kara's trust again, he had to let her go. Let _her _choose to come back to him. He had to be unselfish and understand that the best way to have a woman like Kara be his was not to snatch but to let her be free. He had to lock away those feelings that caused him anger and jealousy, and be someone she deemed worth being friends with. And maybe someday there would be more. Maybe not, but at least she would be a part of his life in whatever way she was willing to be.

He got up and dressed for his shift with a heavy heart. This was going to be one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to do, if not _the _most difficult. But he had to. Everything was at stake.

**ooooooooooooooooo**

Bill Adama sighed heavily as he heard the knock at his door. Would he _ever _get any work done before his shift began? Sure didn't seem like it with all the interruptions he was having this morning.

"Come in," he called out, not sounding particularly welcoming. He was surprised to see his second-in-command step tentatively into the room. There were bags under his eyes, he was unshaven, and there was a look of weariness about him that spoke volumes. He entered and shut the hatch behind him, but didn't speak.

"Something on your mind Saul?" Adama asked, standing up and walking over to him. Nope, first hypothesis proven wrong; he wasn't drunk.

"Can we talk? Off the record?"

"Of course. Sit down." But Tigh remained standing, obviously nervous and uncomfortable. They stood and stared at one another for several minutes, as though mind reading.

"I came to apologize for the way I frakked things up while I was in command. I take full responsibility for everything that happened, and I'm willing to tender my resignation if you want it." He drew himself up proudly, as though a weight had fallen off his shoulders as he'd spoken the words.

Adama stared at him silently for several more minutes. "Apology accepted." _Frak, what is this? A confessional? First Lee, Kara, Roslin ... now Saul? Is there no one in this fleet without guilt?_ But though his mind may be sarcastic about it, his heart swelled with pride. He'd always seen what others hadn't - Saul Tigh was a good man, a noble, loyal man who tried to do what was right. He was a man who'd obviously had a difficult life, and his wife played on his low self-esteem, dragging him down further. Privately, he thought the best thing Saul could do for himself was to get rid of Ellen. The few months she'd been believed dead, Saul had cleaned up his act and proven what a worthy soldier he was. There was no doubt he was proud of Saul for standing up and facing the music.

"Let's not have any talk of resignations now," he said firmly.

"But I let you down - I made a bad judgment call ..."

"And I've never done that?" Adama asked, a smile playing upon his mouth. "It's part of being human Saul. We _all _make mistakes."

Tigh shook his head. "I never wanted to command - you know that. It terrifies me. I don't belong in charge. At least demote me so I don't need to take command if anything happens to you again."

"Better a leader who's afraid of making the wrong decisions than one who _does _make the wrong decision and insists it's right. You did what you thought was best, and so did I. Turns out we were both wrong. How 'bout that?" Adama chuckled and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I need you Saul - otherwise you wouldn't be here. You're the XO of this ship and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Tigh's face softened. "Thank you," he said in an uncharacteristically quiet, meek voice.

"You're reinstated to duty as of now. You have the next shift in CIC - starting in an hour."

"Yes sir," Tigh said crisply, turning to leave. Then he half-turned back. "Oh, there's one more thing I need to talk to you about." Adama's left eyebrow rose. "Ellen."

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

"Hey Starbuck," Helo called out across the hangar bay.

"Helo," she acknowledged as he walked up to join her.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Fixing the guidance system." She pushed a lock of sweaty hair out of her eyes.

"This is _my _ship you know," he grinned.

"Yes, and obviously you've been abusing it or I wouldn't be fixing it." She smiled at him.

"Just giving you something to do."

"Yeah, thanks."

"So Kara, are you feeling better?"

"What do you mean?" She asked cautiously.

"Last night - you know ..."

_How the hell does he know about that? He wasn't even there when we got up this morning!_ "Er ... um ... better I guess," she fudged, hoping he'd elucidate.

"I'm glad Apollo was able to help."

"Help?" she said incredulously, eyes widening.

"You know, with your nightmares." Now he was beginning to look at her like she was missing a few marbles.

"I had a ..." Suddenly the memory of her dream came back with frightening clarity and she paled visibly and grabbed her stomach.

"Yeah ... you were yelling for Lee to save you. I was gonna step in but he was already with you, and you quieted down a few minutes later so I figured you were okay. I got up kind of early this morning and I noticed he was still in your bunk so I figured he stayed with you to make sure you were okay."

"Okay ... yeah ... okay," she stammered, white as a sheet.

"Are you _sure _you're okay now? You don't seem so good." There was real concern on his face.

"No, you know, I think I need a break."

Helo nudged her towards the door. "Get going then. I'll finish up here."

"Thanks Karl, you're a lifesaver." Kara laid a hand on his arm and gave him a brief smile.

_Now you've really done it Thrace, _she told herself, as she walked back to the officer's bunkroom. _Frakked things up between you and Lee real good!_ Thankfully no one was in there because at that moment, Kara Thrace didn't care _who _ saw her cry. There was no way she could stop the tears - not even if her life depended on it.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Absolution - chapter 13

**ooooooooooooooo**

Kara checked her watch - gods - two hours had gone by while she'd sat crying. No wonder she felt so shitty. She got up and wandered to the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face to ease the puffiness. _You look lovely Thrace, just lovely!_ she murmured at her reflection, but really didn't care, to be completely honest. She had to go find Lee and apologize. The poor man had done nothing but be there for her and try to help her and she'd smacked him down for it, likely hurting him more than he'd ever hurt her. _You are such a frakking idiot Kara, _ she chastised herself. _What you said to Lee really _ was _true - you are a screw-up!_ As she headed to his office, planning to get a glimpse of his schedule to find him and talk, she prayed silently that he'd be able to forgive her.

"Lieutenant Thrace, report to LifeStation. Pass the word to Lieutenant Thrace. Report to LifeStation."

_Shit!_ she swore under her breath, breaking stride and heading the other way. _This is the last thing I need now - a dose of Doc Cottle!_ She wandered into LifeStation a minute later, a pained look on her face.

"So, what's up?" she asked Cottle resignedly. "You don't need to poke me with more needles do you?"

"Nope. I don't need to see you at all. Patient requested your presence." He waved at a half-closed curtain. "She's waiting for you."

Kara stepped behind the curtain tentatively. "Madam President," she said, surprised. "I didn't know you were here. Are you alright?"

"Yes I'm fine," Roslin answered with a small smile. "Do you have a few minutes? I'd like to talk to you."

"More than a few. I'm not back on full duty yet so I have plenty of time." Roslin winced at this admission. Indirectly, _she _ was partially responsible for this situation, and the guilt was eating at her.

Kara sat on the chair beside the bed, and the two women stared into each other's eyes, silently reading what they saw there.

"I want to apologize to you Lieutenant."

"Apologize?" Kara was clearly puzzled. "Apologize for what?"

"For asking you to go to Caprica."

"You want to apologize for asking me a favour? That's a first." Roslin smiled briefly. At least some of the 'old Starbuck' seemed to be resurfacing.

"You know what I mean. It was unfair of me to ask you to go behind the Commander's back and defy his authority. I was wrong in asking you to do it, and I'm sorry for all the pain it's caused you."

Kara looked down at her hands, fingers twining and intertwining themselves in her lap. "It's not your fault he lied to us about earth," she said quietly.

"He did what he thought was best. Sometimes the truth isn't what's best."

"So it's better to give them false hope? To _lie _to them?" She looked up and Roslin saw the pain as the mask dropped away.

"Sometimes, yes. I know how you feel - inside I feel the same way. Cut the bullshit and give me the truth, at least then I know what I'm dealing with. But that doesn't work for everyone. People _need _something to believe in - something larger than just themselves. Especially after such a devastating loss."

Kara nodded, not fully convinced though. "I guess."

"It hurt you though didn't it, to find out the man you loved and respect like a father lied to you." Tears shone in Kara's clear green eyes. "I'm so sorry I did that to you in order to convince you to do what I wanted. I was selfish - I believed what the prophecy said and I was willing to do anything to fulfil it."

"Don't you anymore?"

Roslin shook her head. "I'm really not sure _what _ I believe right now."

"Well ... as hard as it was, I think we did the right thing."

"You do?" Roslin was shocked.

"I believe in the gods and the scriptures. You may have laid the path out for me and nudged me towards it, but _I _ was the one who decided to go. Whatever price I paid for that, it was mine to pay. My decision, my consequences."

Roslin regarded her with a mixture of awe and amusement. "I never expected you to react this way. I figured you'd yell at me ... not want to speak to me ..."

"Well, if there's one thing I've learned from the Commander, it's that you have to accept the consequences of your actions."

"And it's a good lesson. Bill Adama is a very wise man."

"Yes he is," Kara said firmly.

"You've forgiven him?" Roslin asked carefully, noting the passion with which she spoke.

"How could I not?" Kara smiled. "I love him. He means the world to me."

"I'm glad," Roslin said warmly. "I'd hate to be what keeps you apart. I think he loves you just as much as you love him. It would hurt him greatly if you remained angry with him."

Kara smiled. "I don't think I could if I tried."

"I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me too."

Kara shot her a frustrated look. "I never blamed you so there's nothing to forgive. What was done to me was done by the cylons - you had nothing to do with it."

"But it would never have happened in the first place if I hadn't sent you," Roslin said sorrowfully. "And you and Captain Apollo might be getting along a little better too."

A pained look crossed Kara's face. It didn't go unnoticed by Roslin, who had already noted her still blotchy face, and had suspected he was the reason for it.

"Speaking of Lee ... I was on my way to see him when I was paged to come here."

"I won't keep you then," Roslin said. Impulsively she reached over and took Kara's hand in hers. "Make things right with him," she pleaded. "I hate to see the two of you so upset. It's not good for the Commander either."

Kara smiled sadly, blinking back tears. "I will."

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

She tapped on the office door lightly and opened it immediately, not expecting anyone to be there.

"Come i ..." Lee started. "Don't wait for an answer now," he added sarcastically. "Oh!" he exclaimed as he realized who it was. He dropped his pen and came around to the front of his desk as Kara came in and shut the door behind her.

They stood staring at one another for a moment before she spoke. "Can we talk?"

Lee's heart ached already. She looked and sounded so vulnerable - so unlike the Kara he'd always known. _How did we get here? _he wondered. _Where all we feel is pain when we're together? What happened to the easy, fun friendship we used to have?_

"Sure," was all he said though. It was her turn to talk, but he hoped he'd have a chance to have his say. And that they wouldn't part angry at one another again.

Kara's eyes darted here, there and everywhere - anywhere but directly at Lee. Now that she was here, she had no idea how to begin. Her fingers began their nervous twining again.

"Kara ...?" Lee said softly, when a few minutes had gone by and she still hadn't spoken.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Lee." The words tumbled out along with a flood of tears. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you - I didn't mean..."

"Kara, it's okay. I understand," Lee interrupted, giving her a small smile.

"I was so horrible to you ..." she choked and sputtered, unable to finish her sentence.

"I deserved it. _I _was the one who was cruel to you. I should never have yelled at you - never should have hit you - gods Kara, I'm so sorry ..." The tears pooled in his eyes.

Kara walked forward suddenly and put her arms around Lee's neck. He gave a sudden sob and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding tightly as the tears fell.

They stood together for a few moments, forgiveness flowing through their tears. Kara pulled away slightly to look Lee in the face. "We really have been awful to each other, haven't we?" she asked softly.

"Worse," he agreed, a sad chuckle forcing it's way out. He moved a hand up from her waist to caress her bruised cheek. "I _never _meant to hurt you Kara. You mean the world to me," he whispered.

"I know," she smiled weakly, allowing him to continue, through her heart pounded in fear.

"I know I hurt you more than I can ever begin to imagine, and I know it's going to take a long time before you'll be able to trust me again, but I don't want to lose you." Lee's voice broke towards the end, and he stifled a sniffle as tears formed in his eyes again.

"You're right, it will be a while," she said sadly. "But I don't want to lose you either - I miss our friendship. I hope we can get it back too."

He looked at her solemnly. "I promise I will _never _hurt you again Kara. Not for anything."

"I know. But it's still going to take a while ..."

He looked tenderly at her. "I'm willing to wait as long as it takes."

She brushed a hand over his cheek softly, then pulled away, as if embarrassed. "I really should go ... clean up ..." She pointed at the doorway. "I've got work ... I should get back ..."

"Yeah, me too," Lee said, blushing as he backed up and moved behind his desk again. "So, I'll see you later then?" he added hopefully.

Kara smiled shyly. "Count on it."

TBC


	14. Chapter 14 The End

Absolution - chapter 14

**oooooooooooooooo**

**One month later ...**

"Take it easy Starbuck - remember it's your first time out."

"Thanks Apollo, I'd forgotten," Kara said sarcastically. "I'm the one who's been sitting around twiddling my thumbs for the last six weeks."

"Getting in everyone's way, more like," Lee growled.

"You little ..." Kara began.

"Tsk, tsk, Starbuck - watch your language." Kara could hear the smile in his voice. As could everyone in CIC. Adama often had the CAP chatter turned off so only Dee could hear it, but today he'd wanted to hear the big event. Kara was finally back in the cockpit. She'd been cleared to fly Raptors a few weeks earlier, but today was her first day back in 'her' ship.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Lee advised, watching her twist and turn happily.

"Does that leave anything?" she teased.

"Very funny Starbuck."

"Hey, I'm just being ... accurate. You never do anything fun."

"Oh really?" There was no mistaking the challenge in his voice.

Tigh turned a knowing eye towards Adama. "She is _such_ a bad influence," he began, but stopped when Adama smiled.

"It's good to have her back." There were nods of assent from many in CIC. Starbuck was the ship's barometer - her mood reflected the whole ship's mood; also she influenced everyone else's mood as well. And for the last six weeks, everyone had been down right along with her. It seemed there was an excitement and eagerness among the crew now that had been missing since the 'incident.'

"You disagree? Prove it." Kara snorted.

"Fine. Race you to the Geminon Traveler and back. Bet you can't do it under a minute."

"Yeah? What are you willing to bet?"

"Sorry, I'm broke - you cleaned me out the other night."

"Doesn't have to be cubits," she said cheekily. There was silence for a moment as Lee thought.

"Loser takes the winner's maintenance shifts for a week?"

"Sounds good to me," Kara sang out.

"Let's go!"

"Five, four, three, two, one ... go!" Lee called out as he hit maximum thrust. He smiled as the force of the acceleration pushed him firmly back into his seat. He was so happy to have Kara back! It had been a long process, regaining her friendship and trust, but it had been well worth the baby steps it had taken. They still weren't quite back to where they'd been before Baltar and Caprica, but things were fantastic as far as Lee was concerned.

Suddenly Kara's Viper shot past him, leaving Lee's mouth hanging open. _Take it easy will you? _he thought, but no, this was Kara, aka Starbuck, and 'taking it easy' wasn't in her vocabulary. It was all or nothing with her. _Fine, have it your way hotshot, _and he flung caution to the wind, pulling a stunt he hadn't tried since his academy days. He pulled ahead and heard a gasp through his headset. _Take that Starbuck! _ he thought uncharitably, smirking back at her.

They reached the Geminon traveler in a dead heat and flipped their birds end over end, thrusters firing powerfully as they sought to beat each other back. Those in the observation lounge were getting a real treat as Apollo and Starbuck circled each other, taking turns in the lead, looking for all the world like they were dancing together.

"Still sure you're gonna win?" she said chuckling. " 'Cause I have my doubts ..."

"Overconfidence, that's your problem Starbuck. You think no one can beat you."

"That's 'cause no one can - not even you Apollo."

"What an ego - how do you fit it into the cockpit with you?"

"Very funny flyboy. I've _earned _my reputation."

"Let's see if you can keep it."

"Count on it." And she suddenly poured on the speed.

"Oh no you don't," Lee said and joined her, feeling the force throw him back as he hit full throttle.

They both crossed over Galactica at exactly the same moment, laughing as they pulled back their throttles.

"So, still think I can't beat you Starbuck?"

"Come on Apollo - I've been grounded for six weeks. Wait till I'm back in form - I'll kick your ass real good. Oh, sorry!" she added, face flushing as she remembered the whole of CIC was listening in.

They pulled into the hangar bay side by side and both jumped out at the same moment, smiling broadly.

"That was fun," Kara confessed as they stood by their ships, peeling back their flightsuits and tying them at their waists.

Lee smiled. "It was, wasn't it?"

"We should do it more often." She smiled shyly.

"I think my father would be the one doing the ass-kicking if we were to repeat that any time soon."

"You got that right Captain," Adama said sternly, walking up behind them. But the twinkle in his eye belied his gruff tone.

He walked up close to them and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper, smiling warmly. "It's good to have you back. Both of you."

**The End**

Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed - I hope you enjoyed the story and I'm sorry I made it drag out for 4 months! I hadn't intended to have you hanging so long... but cliffhangers are good, right? Anyway, thanks again. I really enjoyed writing it and if you've enjoyed it even the slightest bit, then I'm even happier.


End file.
